LETTERS: WHAT THE LABELS MEAN

To the editor:

In this election year we often hear the terms liberal and conservative tossed around, and sometimes it may be easy to become confused or uncertain as to what these terms really mean. Perhaps it might be helpful to provide a definition that gives a better sense of their meaning.

If you believe in an ever-upward spiral of taxing and spending, you're a liberal. If you want fiscal restraint, you're a conservative. If you believe our foreign policy should be centered on getting other nations to like us, you're a liberal. If you believe it should be centered on getting them to respect us, you're a conservative. If you believe character, integrity and virtue in public officials is unimportant, you're a liberal. If you think these qualities are important, you're a conservative. If you believe we should turn over the world's finest health-care system, which is one-seventh of our economy, to the lumbering, bloated federal bureaucracy, you're a liberal. If not, you're a conservative. If you're a liberal, you think one bureaucrat per farmer in the Department of Agriculture is about right. If you think not, you're a conservative. A liberal is happy when someone gives up a job and goes on welfare. A conservative is happy when someone gives up welfare and gets a job. If you believe in the equality of outcome, you're a liberal. If you believe in the equality of opportunity, you're a conservative. If you think it takes a village (read federal government) to raise a child, you're a liberal. If you feel it is the God-given responsibility of a mother and father, you're a conservative.

If you think government is the solution to every problem, you're a liberal. If you think the government is the problem, you're a conservative. If you think the definition of a family also includes two gays or two lesbians or an unmarried man and woman living together, you're a liberal. If you disagree, you're a conservative. If you think we need an increase in the minimum wage for untrained, entry-level, inexperienced or teen-age workers, you're a liberal. If not, you're a conservative.

If you believe we should live fiscally as if there is no tomorrow, you're a liberal. If you have never though much about the fact that someday it will require 100 percent of all income taxes just to pay the interest on the national debt, you're a liberal. If you think a great way to pay the national debt is to print more money, you're a liberal. If you believe that a reduction in the rate of spending is a program cut, you're a liberal. If you think we can't get Social Security and Medicare on a sound fiscal foundation, you're a liberal. If you disagree with these, you're a conservative.

If you think a criminal's rights take precedence over the victim's rights, you're a liberal. If you think a jailed inmate should be able to sue just because he can't get crunchy peanut butter, you're a liberal. If you think the inmates ought to get off their butts and help raise a crop of peanuts, you're a conservative. If you think the Menendez brothers in California should ask the judge for mercy because they're orphans, you're a liberal.

If you think a photograph of a rosary and crucifix immersed in urine is art and ought to receive taxpayer funding through the National Endowment for the Arts, you're a liberal. If you disagree, you will be ridiculed for being against the First Amendment.

If you think it's appropriate to give a student condoms but no aspirins at school without parental permission, you're a liberal. If you think it's OK to wear vulgar T-shirts to school but not those with a Christian message, you're a liberal. If you think the school library should include "Heather Has Two Mommies" and "Daddy Has a Roommate" but not the Bible, you're a liberal. If you think a teacher should be suspended for keeping a bible on his desk, you're a liberal. If you think we need to surround our schools with guards and metal detectors, you're a liberal. If you think we ought to surround our schools with prayer, you're a conservative. If you think we need more sex education and not the Ten Commandments, you're a liberal. If you think our schools should replace Christmas vacations with a midwinter holiday and replace Easter with Earth Day, you're a liberal.

If you're a liberal you will think most of the violence takes place outside an abortuary. If you're a conservative you know that most of the violence takes place inside. If you are more concerned about the plight of whales and snails than preborn babies, you're a liberal. If you think there's no moral issue involved in dissecting preborn babies in order to harvest body parts, you're a liberal.

If you think the increase in natural disasters in America and around the world is just a coincidence, you're a liberal. If you think it is God removing his protective hand, you're a conservative.

Very shortly we will be engaged in the heat of the political campaign to determine local, state and national leadership. As the terms liberal and conservative are used, maybe these definitions will shed some light. It may also be helpful to know that generally the liberals have found a home in the Democratic Party, and generally the conservatives have found a home in the Republican Party.

GERALD W. BEAM

Dexter