LETTERS: THI ISN'T ABOUT LYING ABOUT GOLF

To the editor:

This is a modern fairy tale about a president who loved golf, or "It Is About Lying and Not About Golf (Sex)."

Once upon a time, there was a very popular president. But a few didn't like him or his policies and tried to destroy him in any way they could. They eventually got an independent investigator appointed who would look into every crook and cranny for wrongdoing. He searched and he searched, and finally he found something. You see, the president loved to play golf but couldn't accept that he played in the 100s, so he told everyone he played in the 90s. He told his wife, his Cabinet leaders, his secretary, the American people and anyone who would listen that he scored in the 90s.

Since the independent investigator disliked him too, he decided to look into this lying. He investigated it and appointed a grand jury. He got his country club scorecards, talked to his golf friends and say, "Aha! I've got him at last." He even said the secretary had been called by the president and coached her to say, "I played in the 90s, right?"

The investigator also said he had videotapes of him moving his ball up on to of the grass, and everyone knows that you don't touch your ball by the strictest rules of the game.

He got the president to go to the grand jury, but the president just couldn't admit (or was fooling himself) that he played in the 100s. So the investigator sent it to Congress as an impeachable offense. After all, lying is lying.

The people who like him said this is not important, but his enemies said it isn't about golf. It is about lying. We have to protect our Constitution and send a message to all the golfer and others that we don't lie about our golf scores.

Did the president and the American people live happily ever after? We'll find out later this year.

JANIS GILBERT

Cape Girardeau