Keep contempt out of your conversations: Our children are watching

Midterm elections are upon us, and what I dread the most is the amped-up online vitriol in my newsfeed. It's everywhere, on both sides of the political aisle, fed to us through television, radio and social media.

I teach my kids about the destructiveness of name-calling and contempt in relationships. I don't mind a teenager cursing in my house. Profanity doesn't bother me as a form of expression. I won't censor my child's attempt to communicate with me, so long as it's not contemptuous. There's a big difference between "this research paper is a b---," and "you are a b---."

"If you call me names," I tell them, "I know you're angry, but I don't know why or how to help." Plus, once someone calls me names, I have to wade through my emotional reaction before I can try to understand his point of view again. It's counterproductive.

Reading the comments section of any article or social media feed will lead to consuming contemptuous statements. Assumptions, character attacks and flat-out meanness. It even has a name. We call it trolling. It's brutal. Snark is considered cool. Sarcasm is king.

I'm not perfect. I'm frustrated and worried about the state of the world we live in, too. I've shared snarky posts and biting memes on my social media feeds. No one has changed their points of view as a result and that doesn't need to be the point of every post. But passive-aggressive posting of snark isn't productive either.

From here to November (and beyond, really) we have to do better. It is vital that we do not self-destruct over political disagreements -- no matter how viscerally we feel the attack.

Name-calling is not cool. Belittling others is not how we build ourselves up. Judgy ridicule is poison. Above all else, these are the lessons our children need to learn. Don't engage in hatred. Speak out against it. Engage in productive discourse. The goal should be to elevate the conversation and hopefully identify common ground. It's on that ground that solutions can be identified.

When you encounter questionable comments in social media posts, respond professionally, if you decide to respond at all. It's hard to not jump to defend oneself; it's even harder for a child. I remind my kids they are responsible for their own behavior, and that includes their reactions to other people's behavior. A screaming match with someone hellbent on taking you down helps no one and furthers no cause.

If you want to help your children navigate internet meanness or meanness in general, keep yourself in check. Think twice before spinning a conversation toward name-calling and contempt. If you enter a conversation knowing you're right, you've missed the point of communication. And if you find yourself on the opposite end with horrible things being said to you, remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Then, kindly disengage. By not returning the animosity, you force the person to decide whether to continue their contemptuous display for the sake of a one-sided meltdown.

What kind of world do you want your children to grow up in? Let that question be your guide. Be kind out there.