I'm sorry. What did you say? Can you come a bit closer?

Any lawsuit against the city ought to be taken seriously. And the one filed by the fellow who was arrested for violating one of Cape Girardeau's noise rules is getting sober attention -- and costly, too, seeing as how lawyers are involved.

When I first read the story in the Southeast Missourian, though, I laughed out loud. I thought a lot of readers would find a portion of humor. I thought the comments section of the online version of the story would be jammed with hoots and hollers.

But I was wrong.

There were plenty of the usual goofy comments that online stories tend to generate, seeing as how just about anybody is permitted to say just about anything.

Here's what I found funny: A portion of the city noise ordinance specifically defines which noises can violate the ordinance, if the noise is made on a public street or at any time or any place that annoys people or disturbs the quiet and if the noise can be heard 50 feet away.

As I understand the story, the man who brought the lawsuit -- with the help of the American Civil Liberties Union -- against the city was arrested after he got into an argument with a police officer. On the whole, shouting at a uniform officer is not a wholesome idea all by itself. The officer warned the man that if he could hear him 50 feet down the street, he would be arrested. He could. And he did.

So what, specifically, does the ordinance forbid? Here it is: yelling, shouting, hooting, whistling and singing.

I am not making this up. Go look it up for yourself.

My legal training, like most of you, comes from watching lawyer shows on TV. So I'm sure I'm pretty right about the next few thoughts.

There's something about the law that either (1) limits specific conduct and, thereby, allows anything not listed or (2) limits specific conduct and expects sane citizens to know that any similar conduct also is prohibited.

That's been a great constitutional debate these two-plus centuries of our Union. Does the U.S. Constitution only allow Congress or the president or the courts or the states to do those things enumerated in the Constitution, or does it allow any activity not specifically banned?

This is not today's debate, however.

Today I'm most interested in that five-word list of prohibited noises in Cape Girardeau. Yelling and shouting I understand. But hooting? What, exactly, does a hoot sound like? And whistling and singing? By golly, I think we need way more whistling and singing, which tend to be expressions of happiness and joy and good thoughts about one another. I say we need to take whistling and singing off that list.

And if this is one of those ordinances that allows noises that aren't prohibited on that list, maybe we need to make a few additions.

Like snarling. I've heard some pretty loud snarling in my day, and I don't like it. It annoys me, and some snarling can be heard from 50 feet away. Trust me. I've heard it with my very own ears.

And what about crooning, which is darn near singing in some circles? Can a feller walk peaceably down a city street and croon thoughts of love to his girl sitting on the porch swing admiring the posy the feller picked for her?

OK. That's a little farfetched. Fellers don't pick posies much these days. Girls don't sit on porch swings. Most porches don't have swings. And most houses don't have porches.

Bummer.

And then there are bellowing and burping (some burps can be heard from more than 50 feet away) and sneezing (I'd spend most of time in the slammer on this one) and coughing and … .

Well, you get the idea.

Actually, there is one noise that, if needed to make the ban enforceable, should definitely be added to the list of prohibited noises. This is one I'll bet many of you will agree with:

Talking on a cellphone.

Honest to goodness, if I can hear you talking on your mobile device from 50 feet away, that's too dang loud. And you know what? That's the same volume folks use when they talk on their cellphones whilst standing right next to me.

Cut it out. Make it illegal. Seriously.

Maybe this is something the ACLU can sink its talons into.

Joe Sullivan is the retired editor of the Southeast Missourian.