This is a true account of what happened.
The lesson? Be prepared.
Or else.
You are all familiar with planned obsolescence. Once upon a time you could buy things and expect them to last. Today, of course, things last exactly one day past the warranty. How do they do that?
Several years ago our gas barbecue grill was nearing the end of its life expectancy. We had managed to use it a few years beyond the warranty expiration, so we felt like we had won some kind of jackpot. Then an amazing thing happened. My wife won a brand-new grill at the hair salon she patronizes. This was quite a grill. It was big. It had a cooking burner on the side. It had bells. It had whistles.
At the time, we had a vehicle large enough to accommodate a huge stainless steel gas barbecue grill. Getting the prize home wasn't all that difficult.
We gave away our old out-of-warranty grill, which was still usable. We put all our barbecue faith and hopes in the new stainless steel monster.
That was the problem. The new grill was huge. Think VW Beetle. It took up much of our patio. When we parked it in the garage, one of our cars had to stay outside. Does this make sense?
One day we were walking through Bigboxstore No. 1. There was a large display of barbecue grills. One that caught my eye was a Master Forge two-burner model. It had side shelves that folded down. This little beauty took up a mere 28 inches from side to side.
So I bought the Master Forge charmer. It came in a box, unassembled. It easily fit in the trunk of our car. Believe it or not, it wasn't that hard to put together. It worked exactly as I hoped.
I cleaned the grill a couple of times a year. Keep in mind we use our grill year around. Grilling on Christmas Eve is one of our family traditions, even if we have to use a hair dryer to thaw the grill's controls.
A couple of weeks ago I noticed one of the burner covers had slipped down. When I checked it out, I saw that the bracket holding one end of the burner cover had come off. It was, as best I could tell, a victim of rust and high heat. I couldn't see a way to replace the bracket, since I don't have a welder. And I noticed the other brackets were about to go.
How do you replace these brackets? In the age of obsolescence, it's quite simple. You buy a new grill. That prospect was acceptable to me. After all, we had used the Master Forge grill for several years. We got our money's worth. All we needed to do now is to go back to Bigboxstore No. 1 and purchase another Master Forge two-burner barbecue grill with fold-down shelves.
Right?
Well, if you said "Right!" you are wrong.
The age of obsolescence has spawned some devilish offspring, including an imp called the Discontinued Model. If you liked what you bought a few years ago, don't expect to buy another one a few years later.
Bigboxstore No. 1 still has a Master Forge two-burner model, but it's mostly plastic. Imagine a grill that heats up to 600 degrees made of plastic. I don't think so.
That's how I wound up at Bigboxstore No. 2. While this store doesn't carry Master Forge grills, it does have its own store brand two-burner grill with fold-down shelves. Guess how much space it takes up side to side? That's right. Twenty-eight inches. I'm willing to bet the models at both stores are made by the same company. Besides, the grill at Bigboxstore No. 2 had been marked down $100 because it's the end of the grilling season for most buyers.
The salesman said I could have the floor display grill, which was completely assembled. All I had to do was drive around to the loading bay at the other end of the store, and someone there would help me load my grill.
Had my new grill come in a box, it would have fit in my trunk. Fully assembled, however, the grill is bulky. About 2 inches too bulky, to be honest.
The young fellow who rolled my grill out to the car took one look at my trunk and said, "I'm willing to help you any way I can, but this sucker isn't going in that trunk."
Unfortunately, he was right. After many attempts of turning the grill this way and that, we were about to give up. Then I remembered. I carry with me at all times something that is, in my opinion, indispensable. It is a product that has many uses. Can you guess?
Bungee cords.
I bet you thought I was going to say duct tape.
With a few bungee cords holding it in place, we soon had my new grill balanced in the opening of the car's trunk. "How far do you have to go?" the young man asked. "Not far" I said. "Good" he said.
And off I went.
The lesson? Thanks to bungee cords, Bigboxstore No. 2 made a sale that just as easily could have gone to its competitor -- if Bigboxstore No. 1 had only considered this fact: If you make a product customers want, why discontinue it and offer an inferior product? Does that make good business sense?
It does. If you make bungee cords.
Joe Sullivan is the retired editor of the Southeast Missourian.
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