Art of communication can be scribbling on blank slate

The best TV viewing these days are the commercials.

While I am amused, entertained and uplifted by some commercials, I unfortunately rarely remember what product is being promoted.

My wife, who only pays close attention to "Jeopardy" and a couple of hour-long dramas, generally watches TV by looking up from whatever book or magazine she happens to be reading. She never sees commercials.

So when I blurt out -- "Wasn't that a cute kid?" -- she is very likely to respond:

What kid?

The kid in that commercial.

What were they selling?

Dunno. But that was a cute kid.

See what I've become? A grandparent-age man with no grandkids, so I have to resort to adopting cute kids in TV commercials. That's pretty pitiful.

Among my favorite commercials recently are the ones with solo performers singing a catchy song that very likely is a popular hit tune. And the singers are probably famous performers. I think one of them is Sheryl Crow. Somehow, the singing and the blending of the individual performers' efforts captures me, and I admire their entertainment ability even if I don't recognize them or know the song they're singing.

My wife says those commercials are for the Gap, which is never mentioned in the commercial except with a logo at the end.

Here's my confession: I'm not sure what the Gap is.

So while I enjoy those commercials immensely, I'm not learning much about the store or its product.

Which is how I feel about much of TV advertising these days.

Some commercials I study intently, trying to determine what it is I'm being urged to buy. Many of these mystery commercials appear to be studiously withholding what I consider to be valuable information. They are visually stunning. They have lots of noise. But what are they selling?

A lot of those commercials appear to have something to do with dot-coms or being connected to the planet.

Whenever I ask one of our sons about all this, they say I need to become a part of the wired world if I want to understand.

But, I respond, don't you mean "wireless world"?

I imagine there is a lot of eye rolling on the other end of the telephone line.

If I had to choose the best TV commercials, it would be easy. And I even know what product is being pushed.

It's those sweet, sentimental Hallmark commercials.

For years, I have maintained that the best part of a Hallmark Hall of Fame presentation is the commercials. Hallmark has had the good sense to show some of them over and over. I never get tired of them.

There is another set of commercials that I understand all too well. As my hearing becomes more and more selective, I get a kick out of those commercials about the cell-phone conversations that have funny consequences.

Which cell-phone company?

Dunno. But those sure are funny -- and, for me, true-to-life -- commercials.

My wife and I had a real-life experience with a misunderstood telephone conversation just this week.

It happened Wednesday, which was our younger son's birthday. He lives in Ireland. With the time changes and the international calling codes and all that, we weren't sure we would be able to accomplish the traditional birthday phone call. But the call went through as easily as if we were calling Blodgett.

Younger son told us he had been to Barcelona on business earlier in the week. He said the highlight of the trip was eating at a topless bar.

My wife and I learned long ago that parents have no real standing in the behavior of adult children. Either you brought 'em up right, or you didn't.

I could tell my wife was having maternal concerns about her baby boy eating a meal in a den of iniquity. So she asked as nicely as she could what he had eaten. After all, what do we know about eating at topless joints in Spain? Perhaps, in that culture, satisfying one's hunger while surrounded by half-nekkid women is considered a fine dining experience. When in Barcelona ... . You get the picture.

The food was great, younger son said.

What did you have?

Tapas.

Even after he described the variety of tapa selections, it still took us a while to realize he had told us he ate at a tapas bar, not a topless bar.

Bring on the scratchy cell phones.

And while you're at it, throw in a hearing aid for me.

All of which made Thursday's "Family Circus" cartoon so relevant to me. There are so many ways to misunderstand what you hear. In the cartoon, all the words are correct. It's the meaning that's vague.

Dolly tells her mother: "Mrs. Clarke says we'll exchange names for Christmas. Won't I be Dolly anymore?"

That Dolly. She's a cute kid.

R. Joe Sullivan is the editor of the Southeast Missourian.