Without the guidance of a father, boys can be led astray

Dear Dr. Dobson: Why is early supervision and discipline of a son by his father so important?

Dear Reader: Let me illustrate this principle with a recent finding from the world of nature. Other than dogs, which I have always loved, the animals that fascinate me the most are elephants. These magnificent creatures are highly emotional and surprisingly intelligent.

In the Pilanesberg National Park in northwestern South Africa, rangers there have reported that young bull elephants in that region have become increasingly violent in recent years -- especially to nearby white rhinos. Without provocation, an elephant will knock a rhinoceros over and then kneel and gore it to death. This is not typical elephant behavior and it's been difficult to explain.

But now, game wardens think they've cracked the code. Apparently, the aggressiveness is a byproduct of government programs to reduce elephant populations by killing the older animals. Almost all of the young rogues were orphaned when they were calves, depriving them of adult contact. Under normal circumstances, dominant older males keep the young bulls in line and serve as role models for them. In the absence of that influence, "juvenile delinquents" grow up to terrorize their neighbors.

I know it's risky to apply animal behavior too liberally to human beings, but the parallel here is too striking to miss. Let me say it one more time: The absence of early supervision and discipline is often catastrophic -- for teens and for elephants.

Prisons are populated primarily by men who were abandoned or rejected by their fathers. Bill Glass, an evangelist who for 25 years counseled almost every weekend with prison inmates, was quoted as saying that among the thousands of prisoners he had met, not one of them truly loved his dad. Ninety-five percent of those on death row hated their fathers.

In 1998, there were 1,202,107 people in federal or state prisons. Of that number 94 percent were males. Of the 3,452 prisoners awaiting execution, only 48 were women. That amounts to 98.6 percent males. Clearly, as author Barbara Jackson said, "it is far easier to build strong children than to repair broken men."

Some years ago, executives of a greeting-card company decided to do something special for Mother's Day. They set up a table in a federal prison, inviting any inmate who so desired to send a free card to his mom. The lines were so long, they had to make another trip to the factory to get more cards. Due to the success of the event, they decided to do the same thing on Father's Day, but this time no one came. Not one prisoner felt the need to send a card to his dad. Many had no idea who their fathers even were.

Contrast that story with a conversation I once had with a man named Bill Houghton, who was president of a large construction firm. Through the years, he had hired and managed thousands of employees. I asked him: "When you are thinking of hiring an employee -- especially a man -- what do you look for?" His answer surprised me. He said, "I look primarily at the relationship between the man and his father. If he felt loved by his dad and respected his authority, he's likely to be a good employee." Then he added, "I won't hire a young man who has been in rebellion against his dad. He will have difficulty with me, too." The relationship between a boy and his father sets the tone for so much of what is to come. He is that important at home.

Send your questions to Dr. James Dobson, c/o Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, Colo. 80903. Dobson is the chairman of the board for Focus on the Family.