Why working together should matter to us all

We have a bamboo problem at our house. The previous owners planted it and while it's great for privacy, it's also super invasive. It has gotten to the point where unless we adopt a panda family, we need to eradicate the bamboo forest in our backyard.

My husband and I worked together over the weekend with a simple system. He cut it close to the ground and I sprayed the root with herbicide. The bamboo fell in the yard for stacking later. Bamboo is really tall, and the poles grow so close together that sometimes they get hung up on each other.

One pole of bamboo fell right into our neighbor's garden when it was cut. I immediately worked to try and get it out, but it was wedged in the other poles still standing. My husband went right to work cutting the poles next to it in hopes it would free the first pole and then both poles could end up where they were supposed to. All I could see was that the next poles were going to follow the same trajectory and ruin our neighbor's hostas.

Photo by Bonnie Feldkamp

Our two different reactions worked against each other. We were in each other's way, each of us not understanding what the other was trying to accomplish. An argument ensued and we were no longer working together.

This moment of frustration in our patch of bamboo reminded me of the nationwide conversations over mass shootings. Let me explain.

When it comes to mass shootings. no one wants to see children gunned down in school or innocent shoppers massacred at the supermarket. I think that part we can all agree on.

However, until we can work together to identify common objectives we won't agree on solutions. That's where America seems to be stuck. One side believes the problem is easy access to military-style weapons and would like to see them regulated or banned. The other side sees it as a mental health problem and would like to focus on school safety and mental health resources without penalizing responsible gun owners.

But like standing red-faced in a sea of bamboo, we're each solving for different x-factors and we're not working together. And we have to care enough to be willing to work together for the sake of our kids, to put aside our egos and self-righteousness and talk about solutions. Identify a common goal everyone can work toward. If we're not willing to do that, then how do we stop the carnage?

The conversation needs to start by letting go of our own gut reactions and defensiveness and gaining an actual data-driven understanding as to where the root of the issue lies. "Too many guns!" "Mental health!" I hear you shouting. But we have to care more about finding an effective solution than we do about being right. We may need a combination of better mental health services, stricter gun laws and a third solution we've not even considered.

Like my husband and me standing in the bamboo, just because we are reaching for different solutions doesn't mean either one of us is wrong. We needed to clean up the mess we made in our neighbor's garden and also prevent it from happening again.

But to do that we first had to stop fighting, work together and make a plan. I think that's good advice for us all.