Vexed by highways? Relax. There's help. And it's free.

When Mark Bliss, reporter and columnist for this newspaper, wandered into my office one morning this week, neither of us had a clue that Missouri's highway problems could be solved so easily -- or that it would take less than 10 minutes.

We are pretty proud of ourselves.

Mark has written countless stories about the Missouri Department of Transportation and its governing board, the State Highways and Transportation Commission. He has devoted hundreds of hours to extracting information about highway plans and budgets from MoDOT bureaucrats.

One thing I know for sure: The people who seem to know the least about what's going on in the Highways and Transportation Office Building in Jefferson City are the people there who answer phone calls from newspaper reporters.

Time after time Mark has asked good questions -- "How much revenue does a cent of fuel tax generate in a year?" -- only to be told: Give us a few days and we'll get back with you.

Sometimes they did.

Sometimes they didn't.

What prompted Mark's visit to my office was a press release announcing that Lee Kling, former chairman of the highway commission, has signed on as an adviser to Gov. Bob Holden. Mark and I assume Kling will be sharing his views on the state's transportation needs with the governor.

And, the press release told us, Kling will be working for free.

We immediately jumped to a couple of conclusions:

No. 1 -- Kling will be giving the governor the same advice -- for free -- that he gave when he served on the highway commission and was point man for the late governor Mel Carnahan's ill-fated Total Transportation Commission. It's easy to assume Kling will be giving Holden advice the governor has heard before. So it's a good thing it isn't costing anything.

No. 2 -- Free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it.

I don't know Lee Kling personally. But I know several people who regard Kling as a friend and confidant. They all describe him as a decent person who is well-informed and has the best interests of the state at heart when it comes to highways.

But we've got to face facts. Kling's wisdom on the highway commission didn't keep MoDOT from breaking its promise to Missouri taxpayers.

It occurred to me that Mark and I are capable of dispensing free advice to the governor, and we won't waste state postage sending out a press release.

The ideas Mark and I came up with -- honest, it took less than 10 minutes -- can be condensed into what I'd call a four-point no-nonsense solution to all of Missouri's highway problems, real and imagined.

But first you have to accept a premise that, to me, is the foundation of any real solution to highway needs in Missouri. The theme song of state highway officials in recent years, particularly since the 15-year highway plan went down the tubes, has reminded us over and over -- and over -- that there isn't enough money to maintain all the state highways in a state that has more miles of state highways than almost any of the other 49 states.

There you have the basic premise: The problem isn't too little money. The problem is too many highways.

Here's our free advice:

1. Close some highways. Look at a Missouri Official Highway Map. Count the state highways along the northern border that go to Iowa. I count 49. Who knows how many more county roads there are. What possible need is there for Missourians to have 49 ways -- at state expense -- to get to a state that has no beaches, no ski slopes, no trout streams, no national park and no Branson?

I say close all those state highways but one or two, which we need to get to Minnesota occasionally. There's no reason for all those highways to lure unsuspecting Missouri motorists across the border into a state where they would drive around aimlessly looking for something to do.

2. Sell some highways. Look at all the interstates that crisscross St. Louis and Kansas City. What are they there for? I'll tell you why they're there: So folks from Illinois and Kansas can create traffic jams getting to cushy jobs in Missouri, thereby depriving thousands of Missourians from decent employment. If those people want to work out of state, make them buy the highways they use to get to work.

3. Give away some highways. Look at the highway map again. Over in Dallas County there's a state highway between Urbana and Tunas. Why? Each of those towns (which you've never heard of before, have you?) has a perfectly good highway to get to the grocery store in Buffalo. The only reason anyone in Tunas would take Highway D to Urbana is to take a shortcut to go fishing at Pomme de Terre Lake. Why should Missouri taxpayers foot the bill for fishing shortcuts? If the good people of Urbana and Tunas want a road between the two towns, let's give it to them.

4. Toll roads. I don't care where you look on the highway map, you'll see roads in the middle of nowhere all over Missouri that provide year-round travel for postal carriers, school buses, visiting relatives, poachers and an occasional ambulance or fire truck. If property owners along those highways want that kind of front-door service, give them the roads and let them collect tolls.

Bottom line: If MoDOT will take some free advice and close, sell or give away of lot of marginal highways, there will be plenty of money for essential highways. Which, of course, are the ones Mark and I use the most.

Now isn't this free advice better than what you'd get from just about any $500,000 study?

R. Joe Sullivan is the editor of the Southeast Missourian.