The editor's mailbag

The mailbag is getting cluttered, so here goes:

Dear editor: Every summer for several years we've had to dodge orange barrels on city streets. This year most of the streets are open, What's the deal? -- Confused Motorist

Dear Confused Motorist. I hear what you're saying. I've been lost several times already this summer on city streets that go where they're supposed to. How's a motorist supposed to know where to turn if the familiar orange-barrel landmarks are missing? That's like taking the Statue of Liberty down at the corner of Broadway and West End Boulevard or removing the Jackson water tower on I-55. How can you give directions without them?

If you start getting twitchy because you can't find any barrels, you can try to get from Independence Street to William Street by way of Mount Auburn Road. But that's almost too easy. For a real challenge, drive back and forth to the airport a few times. That's one thing you can say about I-55 construction zones: They never let you down.

But here's the bottom line on why you aren't seeing orange barrels all over the city yet. You're a tad early. SEMO students don't start moving into the dorms until August.

To the stupid person in charge of so-called news: How in the (unprintable word) can you put (unprintable word) pictures like those (unprintable word) chicks in bikinis that I saw in your (unprintable word) newspaper? Are you (unprintable word) nuts? And what are the (unprintable word) mayor and (unprintable word) police doing about this kind of (unprintable word) activity in our (unprintable word) city? We are a (unprintable word) city of family values and churches. Is this kind of (unprintable word) activity what we want to teach our children? You're a (unprintable word) pervert, that's what you are. -- Mad as a (unprintable word) pit bull.

Dear Mad etc.: I've done some checking, and the stupid person in charge of so-called news turns out to be yours truly.

I had an opportunity last week to discuss this very issue with the mayor of our fair city, who was almost as upset as you are -- although without so many unprintable words.

It's a fact that women in bikinis are showing up everywhere. I know how mothers of innocent 6-year-olds must feel when they go to the pool at Capaha Park.

I doubt you'll be seeing any more photos like that any time soon. If you've seen one mechanical bull, you've seen them all.

Hey, Joe: Don't you think having a cool spell in July is part of some sinister plot, maybe a right-wing conspiracy or left-wing cabal? -- Worried About the Weather

Dear Worried About the Weather: I've come to the conclusion that not everything that goes wrong or that I disagree with is the result of a sinister plot -- although I'm still not sure why God created snakes and fully believe there may be dark forces at work in that regard.

I'll admit we've had some unusual weather. First there was the spring that lasted till the end of June, and then there were the moderate temperatures, low humidity and cool nights this past week. I'd call that unusual all right -- unusually fantastic.

In my book, any Missouri July with days when you'd rather stand outside in the sun than be inside in the air conditioning has to be counted as a blessing. And those cool nights are God's way of proving the existence of heaven.

Honest to goodness, I can't think of anyone to blame for good weather.

By the way, I'd appreciate if, in the future, you would avoid using words like "cabal." Until I looked it up, I thought it might be a (unprintable word).

R. Joe Sullivan is the editor of the Southeast Missourian.