Not alone: A journey with TBI

I'll never forget that phone call on Nov. 29, 2014. I was visiting family in New York, and the news I received shook me to my core. I admit that until then, I had never thought about Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) -- what it was and how it affected people every day, and I certainly was not aware that such a thing as Brain Injury Awareness Month (BIAM) existed. Now I know there is such a month: March.

When I got that phone call, all I wanted to do was pack my car and take off for Missouri. I was a 19-hour drive away and felt helpless. All I knew to do was pray and to call friends to ask them to pray also.

"Kristi fell off her steps and fractured her skull." Kristi King and I are close like sisters, so my heart sank when her brother told me the news. Fractured her skull? What does that mean? My mind raced: Is she conscious? Is she brain dead? I didn't know what to think. The details came later, and they were ugly. The pictures were gut-wrenching. And the realization, as verified by doctors, was sobering: It's a miracle she didn't break her neck -- or die.

What her brother described as falling off her steps was, more specifically, falling 13 feet head-first from the loft of her log home when a step broke and she went careening to the level below. She lay there unconscious for about 30 minutes.

Upon waking, badly injured and disoriented, she miraculously managed to locate her phone and began trying to contact family. One of her brothers and her nephew-in-law came and rushed her to the hospital.

The experience still affects Kristi, but that's something she did not open up about for a long time. She is now a bit more comfortable being transparent about how that injury still plays a role in her life and wants to help others find healing and strength as they face TBI.

The following is a portion of an interview I conducted with Kristi. As we observe BIAM, her story will hopefully help us gain a better understanding of TBI and encourage those suffering with it.

AR: How long was your recovery?

KK: I had to stay with my parents for two weeks, and you stayed with me one week. So it was three weeks before I could stay home alone, but I still had to have assistance with getting my mail and feeding my dog. Christmas Day 2014 was the first time I drove, but I could not drive alone until mid-to-late January.

AR: Why observe Brain Injury Awareness Month (BIAM)?

KK: People, especially caregivers of brain injured loved ones, need to be educated regarding the effects of brain injury, how often they occur, and the needs of those with brain injuries. This year's campaign is titled "Not Alone" because we aren't alone. BIAM also helps remove the stigma behind TBI and empowers those who have survived.

AR: What do people need to be aware of about TBI?

KK: They need to be aware of how it affects the victim. In a Facebook group called Amy's TBI Tribe, the biggest concern/complaint I hear from survivors is they aren't understood by loved ones. Some, thankfully not me, get accused of faking their difficulties. They are told: "Everyone gets tired," "You're just getting older," "A lot of people forget," "You just need to get out more," "You don't look sick," etc. TBI is an invisible injury, and that's what frustrates us. We look great on the outside, but inside our heads may be another story. Survivors can't do as much socializing as before because of overstimulation to the brain. When we have to say no to an invite, it's not that we don't love you; it's simply because we can't, especially after a full week of work or after a big event.

AR: How has your accident changed you?

KK: I’m more cautious with my head now. I don’t want to take a chance of it getting hit or shaken too much. I never was much on traveling, but now it makes me really nervous to think about going anywhere. I have an occasional headache that sends me to bed. Hearing bad news is much harder to take than it used to be. My injury was a frontal lobe injury, and that part of your brain controls your emotions and how you respond to things. Sometimes, my fight-or-flight kicks in for situations where it’s not needed, which will sometimes trigger a bout of anxiety.

AR: What resources (websites, etc.) exist that will help people understand TBI or find support?

KK: After my injury, I never thought to look for support sites. I so wish I would've because, like the theme of this year's BIAM, "Not Alone," I felt just that: alone. I hid my symptoms for almost a year because I didn't want to appear weak. Finally, I decided to share what I was going through with those closest to me, and I sought help from a psychologist and pastor. And guess what: That's okay. It doesn't mean you're nuts or crazy or even weak. It means that you love yourself enough to seek help. After that, I found a couple of Facebook pages where survivors and caregivers of TBIs gather for support. That's when I truly discovered that I wasn't alone and I wasn't losing my mind. That's where I found out that there are many, many people going through some of the same things I struggled with. Other helpful resources are www.biausa.org and www.brainline.org. Personally, though, my main resource is my faith in God. I know He's my healer, and I was allowed to fall the way I did because I think He will use my story and testimony of even being alive to help someone else.

More from Kristi

Kristi's message to those suffering with TBI is, "Don't be afraid to get help" from a pastor or counselor and not to worry about appearing weak in the struggles they face. She also advises them not to compare their healing time with others' healing time. She quotes a TBI survivor, who said, "Brain trauma is like a snowflake: No two are the same."

To those with loved ones with TBI, Kristi begs patience and understanding, and she encourages them to do research. Finally, she cautions, "The reality is, aside from a miracle of God, your loved one may never be exactly like they once were. In this case, love them unconditionally, and learn to love and appreciate the new them."

My Final Thoughts

I'm grateful God spared Kristi and am heartened that if anyone can turn this situation into a positive, He can, which is a message of faith Kristi wants people to embrace. Perhaps you know people dealing with the effects of TBI. While March should not be the only time you reach out to them, it's a good time to start.

Adrienne Ross is an editor, writer, public speaker, former teacher and coach, Southeast Missourian editorial board member and owner of Adrienne Ross Communications.