NEWTON'S LAW: EGYPT HAS STOMACH TO EXPEL SADDAM

George Bush has not been so worried about dates since cotillion time at Phillips Academy.

The American president, a sportsman up to the point where he's asked to wear a leash himself, insists Saddam Hussein will not be allowed to jerk his chain. Saddam, a chain-jerker of long standing in the Middle East, and something of a jerk himself, won't give Bush the time of day, at least not on one particular day.

In an effort to try all roads to peace, President Bush said he would send a representative to a face-to-face meeting with Saddam. This meeting, it was said, would demonstrate American resolve in opposing Saddam's unfriendly annexation of Kuwait.

Saddam, who is nothing if not inhospitable, alerted the White House that his schedule (with this hectic holiday season in full swing and then the bowl games, presumably) had no openings until Jan. 12.

Even in normal times, the president of the United States wouldn't let some sand jockey tell him to cool his heels while a crowded calendar clears. And these aren't normal times.

The Jan. 12 date falls just three days before the United Nations deadline for Saddam's forces to pack their camel bags and hit the trail. The American administration says Saddam is toying with the situation. Saddam says if the Americans only want to visit Baghdad and repeat United Nations dogma, they might as well stay home and talk to themselves.

Think of that. Meetings are what high government officials do best; there are usually snacks and there's no heavy lifting involved. If two governments can't even arrange a meeting at this critical time in history, these are grim times in the Persian Gulf.

None of this is especially comforting since George "Reach-Out-And-Touch-Someone" Bush gets along with almost every world leader (now that Noriega and Ortega are deposed), even ringing up the Kremlin from time to time to check on Soviet treasury bills and potato crops.

But Saddam will have none of him. He won't even entertain noted globetrotter James Baker III in a timely fashion. Shoot, Saddam even sat down with Dan Rather; don't tell me that's not a blow to Bush's ego.

While there is little consolation to be found in the gulf crisis as a whole, it should at least be noted that nations other than the United States are taking an intense, if not populous, interest in driving back Iraq.

Egypt, for example, has contributed 30,000 troops to help protect the kingdom. That number pales against the commitment made by the United States, but the Egyptians bring an unusual zeal to their work in desert defense. You might almost say they have a taste for it.

This was colorfully demonstrated Monday when Saudi Arabia's impressively named prince, Khalid bin Sultan bin Abdul Aziz, was invited to review the Egyptian troops.

An Egyptian Ranger unit, perhaps feeling a measure of cockiness because royalty was present, displayed its prowess at survival training in harsh conditions. After one soldier bit the head off a live chicken and devoured it, another trio performed a similar act with three live bunnies that were skinned with the soldiers' teeth.

I won't even say what was done to a rat, though a wire reports termed it "anti-climactic" following the rabbit entree.

Khalid winced slightly during the Rangers' meal, but showed a remarkably strong stomach for a prince.

The demonstration may have provided more than just a reason for small animals of Saudi Arabia to fear Egyptians. It may give birth to a new bit of leverage in dealing with Iraq.

Instead of sending the mannered Mr. Baker to Iraq for a talk, why not send the Egyptian Rangers in and tell them to show Saddam what they showed the Saudi prince?

Once the thief of Baghdad gets a load of the Egyptians chowing down, he might think twice about the importance of Kuwait.