My most important column ever

"Out of sight, out of mind," we flippantly say in reference to things on the back burner of our lives, but when a person begins to get along in years and both sight and mind begin to challenge them, what has not been at the forefront may come back to haunt both them and those who love them.

No one really wants to think about growing old and not being the person he once was. But it's like bills you get in the mail; not opening them doesn't mean they don't exist. That just creates problems down the road. Seeing the month's utility costs may hurt for the moment, but it sets things in motion to take care of responsibilities. This is a principle most people beyond their early adult years understand but not everyone honors. It becomes an even more important principle in later years, though many ignore it -- with worse consequences. Thank God for the adults who put things in order while they can; it helps those who will be left to care for them one day.

I am utilizing this space to encourage everyone to be those people who ask themselves the hard questions, who do the uncomfortable -- because it's both wise and loving. I ask you to think about your end-of-life wishes. See, even that expression, "end-of-life," makes people cringe. So if it helps, call it "later-in-life" or "up-in-years" or even "right-now-because-it's-wise" wishes. Whatever works.

Do you know how you want things handled medically if something catastrophic happened to you? Do you want to be resuscitated, for example? To whom have you articulated your wishes -- and have you made this person your health care proxy?

Do you have life insurance, an annuity, some way to handle your funeral and burial, or are you leaving that responsibility to family? Is that fair?

Have you bestowed power of attorney on anyone? This is a tough one for some because they liken it to a loss of independence, and issues of trust figure in. Having that conversation with loved ones can be like banging a head against a wall. Explaining to people that the power of attorney has a responsibility to act as they desire and in their best interests as long as they are able to make rational decisions is necessary. Letting them know various types of power of attorney exist may also be helpful.

The more independent the individual, however, the more he wants to hold on to what he perceives to be his own right to power. I've heard, "I'll do it when it needs to be done" regarding both the health care proxy and the power of attorney. It sounds great, but it doesn't make sense. Too often, when it needs to be done, it's too late to do it, and even sadder, too often, when it needs to be done, the person isn't in a state of mind to realize it "needs to be done." Do it now!

What about assets in your name? Are there any that need to be signed over to others so you and your family don't lose what you've worked so hard to acquire, such as a house? This issue has bitten many in the backside.

Putting things in place does not mean you're bowing down to sickness or death, no more than wearing a seat belt means you're saying you'll get in an accident today. It also doesn't mean you can't handle your business. It means you're exercising wisdom and you understand not doing so can be -- is! -- an absolute nightmare for those who love you and will be the ones gasping for air as they try to make heads or tails of your affairs one day. The kindest gift to give someone you love is not the latest technology toy, not a trip to Hawaii, not anything else you can come up with. The greatest gift is to take care of your affairs now, have a plan now. You don't have to have a foot in the grave to do it; that's too late -- and the stress it causes those dealing with matters later creates situations that put their own health at risk.

Perhaps this seems like an odd topic for one of my columns, but it's arguably the most important. If I can spare one person the hell that comes from not putting into practice what I'm sharing here, I will have done something significant. Some mess I've walked through and am walking through has already helped others avoid a mess in their lives -- because they learned by observing. Glad I can help, but I find myself saying, "Seems like everyone learns from us but us!" I hope you'll be one of them.

Adrienne Ross is owner of Adrienne Ross Communications and a former Southeast Missourian editorial board member.