MISSOURIANA

If Mario Cuomo had been another Italian, he'd still be trying to decide if it was all right to search for the New World and leave Queen Isabella all alone.

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Well, at least Santa knows what Willie Smith would like for Christmas: a jury hung by the courtroom fireplace.

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Between faculty members harassing women and coeds involved in a prostitution ring, the most popular class on the Missouri University campus at Columbia must be Sex 101.

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It's been a whole week and not a single Republican candidate for governor has been targeted for a federal investigation.

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An educational survey says Missouri University won't get a better academic reputation until it stops losing outstanding faculty members and the annual K.U. football contest.

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The folks who complain about too much government should be thankful the country isn't getting as much as it's paying for.

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Modern science still hasn't been able to make leftover turkey and our tolerance for its sliced sandwiches come out even.

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The Associated Press has reported Hollywood is making fewer films these days. Fortunately, the Kennedy family is still at work entertaining America.

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Caught in an inadvertent conversation with his staff, President Bush says he doesn't always listen to questions being asked. That seems fair since many Americans don't listen to George's answers.