MISSOURIANA

If America is the most affluent country in the world, how come our president will soon be without a home and our president-elect doesn't even own one?

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Now that we'll have a couple of Baby Boomers running the country in January, can Hoola-Hoops be far behind?

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With General Motors losing millions of dollars every day, maybe the corporate name should be changed to Sputtering Motors.

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Vice President Dan Quayle doesn't know what he'll do when he leaves office. A lot of Americans didn't know what he did when he was in office.

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Secret Service agents have given Bill Clinton the code name "Elvis." We guess they were all shook up by his election.

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Economists can't agree on whether the country is experiencing a recession or a depression. Given their high salaries, we'll bet economists are experiencing neither one.

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About the only Bush administration holdover in the new Clinton cabinet may be First Dog Millie, who reportedly knows a great deal about foreign policy.

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Late night talk-show comedians were generally upset over the election results. After January, they won't have Dan Quayle to kick around.

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Ross Perot offers to "do anything possible" to assist the Clinton administration. Perhaps he could start with a small loan to keep the government running.

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The problem is not that the nation is going to have a president who plays saxophone. The problem is that he doesn't play it very well.

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The first order of business of the new Clinton administration will be to look for an old computer disk labeled "Iran-Contra."

By Jack Stapleton