MISSOURIANA

Most Missourians adjust to August temperatures until someone announces the dreaded "heat index."

Only in American politics is the candidate who has raised the most money declared the winner in the next election.

The day a workable Middle East peace treaty is signed will be the day the Missouri Department of Transportation says it only needs a few million dollars to complete the 15-year highway plan.

The only way to improve Missouri's highways, besides spending $34 billion, is to pray that OPEC raises gas prices so high no one can afford to drive.

One problem for Al Gore's campaign is that he used to be a crime reporter. That should have been warning enough about the world of politics.

Whenever Democrats raise more campaign money than Republicans, the GOP starts wondering if its efforts to cut taxes are really appreciated by the fat-cats.

Consumers may experience a severe shortage of detergents at their local supermarkets as a result of heavy purchases by Republicans and Democrats to wash their dirty linen.

Democrats seemed as determined as Republicans to make their convention program as meaningless as possible.

Is this a great country, or what? The Democrats nominated a vice presidential candidate because of his past criticism of the new presidential nominee's boss.

Sen. Joe Lieberman's religious prohibition on working on the Jewish Sabbath is an improvement over past officials who didn't do anything the other six days.