History of golf as we know it

A leisurely round of golf at the World Famous Downtown Golf Course turned into a soggy mess during Tuesday's second coming of Noah's ark. So we retired to the dry haven of a local establishment known for catering to contented duffers.

The conversation, naturally, turned to the absence of funds to complete the Downtown Golf Course, which, after nearly 11 years in the making, is still lacking a few amenities such as tee boxes, greens and geothermally heated fairways for year-around play. About the only thing the course has going for it right now is cart paths, sometimes referred to as "sidewalks" or "trails," and the grit of its determined boosters, who are legion.

As the afternoon slipped away, the golf course's General Manager, Marketing Executive, Greenskeeper and Current Club Champion -- that would be yours truly -- announced that he had an idea so bold and so obvious that it's a wonder it hadn't surfaced at least a decade ago. When the assembled hackers and all-around scorecard smudgers paused to hear what was coming next, the GMMEG&CCC simply said:

History.

The rain-soaked charter members of the World Famous Downtown Golf Course looked at each other, bewildered.

Don't you get it? the GM etc. asked. The City of Roses by the River is on the brink of making its fame and fortune on more than two centuries of modern history -- events and personages that would compel folks in Sheboygan or Casper to drive thousands of miles to visit Cape Girardeau.

But, the gaped-mouthed golfers inquired, how does golf fit in?

Ah, the GM etc. quickly responded. Facts and folklore are combined to make history. All the World Famous etc. needs to jump on the historical bandwagon is a few ancient legends of its own.

Such as?

Well, the most obvious is the overlooked recollection that Louis "Longest Drive" Lorimier was a first-rate golfer. Hence, the World Famous etc. and the Little Red House (which once served as the town's first 19th Hole) occupy the same historic parcel of real estate.

So what? (Obviously, my genial companions were slow to warm to new ideas.)

Look, who wouldn't motor across this great nation to golf on the same course where Lewis and Clark once lost a $5 golf bet to Lorimier and some forgotten sandbagger from Prairie du Rocher?

We thought that bet was on a horse race.

See, that's where history goes wrong. Some tales become fact, while some wind up on the garbage heap. If you believe the story about the horse race, why wouldn't you accept that Lorimier was a scratch golfer?

After considerable mumbling, one of the rained-out ball chasers said, loudly enough to stop the general conversation: So what you're proposing is the Louis J. Lorimier Memorial World Famous Downtown Golf Course and All-You-Can-Eat Catfish Buffet?

Bingo!

The atmosphere is electric when cunning minds snap into gear.

National Register of Historic Places, here we come.

Reflecting on what otherwise was just a soggy afternoon, I now realize the larger potential of my vision of golf history. Who, for example, remembers what kind of golfer Julius Caesar was?

But, you might inquire, wasn't golf invented in Scotland a good while after the first century B.C.?

To be precise, the Scots invented the golf course.

See how muddled history gets?

And some of you think I just make this stuff up.

R. Joe Sullivan is the editor of the Southeast Missourian.