Get it off your chest? Out of your mind? Keep trying

There are two things on my mind today: sobriety and deer.

These are probably not the same two things that are on your mind. If they are, then that's quite a coincidence, isn't it? Not to mention the odds of something like that happening.

But now that I've told you what's on my mind -- sobriety and deer -- you probably will be thinking about both topics all day. I wish I knew a catchy tune about sobriety and deer, because then it could drive us all crazy for days.

Let's start with sobriety, which is the state of being sober. To put it another way, sobriety means you're not drunk. Or high. Or both.

Sobriety is a serious matter for motorists on our city streets and area highways. That's why penalties for drunk driving tend to be severe. And they should be.

In an effort to keep booze- and drug-impaired motorists from getting behind the wheel of a vehicle, law enforcement agencies from time to time have sobriety checkpoints. At these checkpoints, motorists are stopped and police officers or highway patrol troopers check to see if the motorists are drunk. Or high. Or both.

OK. We all know how sobriety checkpoints work. What's on my mind today is a particular sobriety checkpoint that occurred recently at Scott City. Motorists on I-55 were required to exit the interstate and find their way to the parking lot of the nearby high school.

Let's pause right here.

Anyone who has ever used the Scott City exit, coming or going, surely knows what's coming next in my little diatribe.

So reflect for a moment.

Got it yet?

That's right. Navigating the Scott City exit is a challenge for everyone. Even when you are stone-cold sober.

But let's say you're from somewhere in Mississippi, and you're traveling north on I-55 headed for a weekend with relatives in Festus, or someplace north of here, and you're driving at night because you had to work late and, besides, there is less traffic at night, and you approach Scott City, and flashing lights and waving illuminated batons indicate you should exit and go to the high school, but you've never been through the crazy Scott City exit before in your life.

You know what I call that?

Cruel and unusual punishment.

Even if you're as sober as a Baptist deacon on Sunday morning, you will pay a price for being unfortunate enough to make the trip from Mississippi to Festus on the same night as the sobriety checkpoint.

Several years ago I proposed that the Scott City interchange on I-55 was the worst interstate interchange in the nation. Perhaps in the world.

At the time, I challenged one and all to prove me wrong. I encouraged readers to tell me of a worse interchange anywhere.

Sure, I got a handful of nominees, but a crack committee of expert judges just laughed at the lame entries that were sent in. By the way, all of the judges were from Scott City. It seemed only fair at the time.

So, there you have it: My beef about the sobriety checkpoint in Scott City. Let's hope those poor motorists get over their trauma.

Have a safe trip. Y'all come back real soon, hear?

Now about the deer.

I planted 14 tomato plants in my raised bed this year. They are happy, vigorous, healthy, blooming tomato plants, full of promise.

Then, one night recently a herd of deer headed over to Joe's Place for a nip or two. The next morning all the tops of the tomato plants were missing.

What should be missing are marauding deer that terrorize urban gardeners. But we've been down that road, and the wildlife huggers won. So be it.

Just remember that when the mountain lions and black bears follow the scent of whitetail deer into town they won't be distracted by the tender, leafy tops of tomato plants. They'll be more inclined to sample puppies and small children.

Just wait and see.

Joe Sullivan is the retired editor of the Southeast Missourian.