Don't let your political party ruin the Christmas party

There's something to be said for the art of avoidance, and if you haven't yet learned to master it, perhaps you'll gain some wisdom from me today, delivered lightheartedly. Grab a pen and paper, an iPad or even a typewriter if that's all you've got -- but for the love of all things holy, grab something and take notes on a subject that just might save your Christmas and maybe a relationship or two.

This is the season of gatherings galore. Every job, organization and church is hosting Christmas parties, commonly called holiday parties by the politically (in)correct. Whatever they call it, it's supposed to be a time of fellowship, feasts, and frivolity. The workplace parties are usually the most interesting because there's always that uptight co-worker -- or, God forbid, a boss -- who awaits this yearly event to loosen up, show up half-dressed and drown herself in liquor, after which, try as you might, you can never look at her the same, even after she reverts on Monday morning to the professional demeanor for which she is most known.

All that aside, to get through what are supposed to be celebrations in honor of the holiest of seasons, I offer sage advice because we all know how easy it is to find ourselves in discussions next to the punch bowl or cheese tray that ruin the whole event. Nothing qualifies more than conversations about politics. Political people -- let's face it -- have a hard time refraining from turning every single thing into politics. Lens, thy name is politics.

"Can't stand that it gets dark so early now, you know?" you say to a co-worker you barely know, just to engage in small talk.

"Yeah, but not as dark as what the Republicans want to do to this country, huh?" is the response from the co-worker, who is rather pleased with his comment and laughs uproariously, smacking you on the back and nearly knocking your glass out of your hand.

What to do? What to say? Avoidance, I tell you, is key.

You look to your left as if someone has summoned you, nod at the backslapper and escape to another group. No sooner do you arrive than you hear, "I love company get-togethers like this. Keeps everything in balance. It's healthy to just let loose sometimes."

Someone responds, "Yep, this is much healthier than that Obamacare mess. Now, that'll kill you, won't it?"

Before you get the stuffing knocked out of you again by another cackling co-worker, you leave the group as quickly as you came.

"Must avoid," you tell yourself. "Must not engage."

Starters like these are cues to run -- fast -- because they're actually not starters at all; they're enders. They put the kibosh on a good time faster than anything.

Tempted though you may be to reply, don't do it. Don't bite. Instead, bite your tongue -- twice if necessary. Exercise discipline. Be an avoider. Whether you agree with the comment or disagree: Don't. Say. A. Word.

Today, December 12, is the day we find out if Republican Judge Roy Moore will emerge victorious in the Alabama Senate race against Democrat Doug Jones despite sexual misconduct allegations, a race in which polls have shown for weeks that Moore leads by a wide margin. So if you hear someone say at the Christmas party at work, "Can you believe Alabama actually...," interrupt quickly and say, "No, I cannot believe Alabama actually got snow a few days ago!" Then sprint to your safe space, which, if you were smart, you designated the moment you arrived.

Cowardly? Maybe -- but being a coward is a small price to pay for peace on earth with folks at work.

So let's recap. Have a game plan. Don't wait until you're in the thick of it to decide what you're going to do. Upon arrival, case out the joint. Find all your outs -- exits, aisles, bathrooms, windows. Position yourself next to the fruitcake if you must -- I know: yuck! -- and if tempted to run your mouth, stuff it instead. Finally, feel free to pretend you see someone you just have to talk to now or never. Bottom line: Do what you must, but don't allow your political party to ruin your Christmas party. No one has ever won a fight at one of these events; everyone loses. During Christmas, we're only allowed to deck the halls. Decking people is unacceptable. To that end, avoidance is key.

I wish you a Merry Christmas season as you navigate the festivities, and though I do not believe in luck, I'll try anything, so I wish you that also. Good luck!

Adrienne Ross is owner of Adrienne Ross Communications and a former Southeast Missourian editorial board member. Contact her at aross@semissourian.com.