BE OUR GUEST

A native of Cairo, Ill., Karen Roberts lived several years in Clearwater, Fla. She now resides in Cape Girardeau.

In Tennessee Williams' poignant play, "Cat On a Hot Tin Roof," Maggie the cat tells her profusely unhappy husband, Brick, that " nobody's happy." Of course, that is not entirely true. There are some who are happy. They appear to comprise that minority who possess one important trait.

No, it's not great looks. (The legion of beautiful cinema stars who live unhappy lives has been well reported.)

Nor is it great wealth. (Christina Onassis' unhappy life is well documented in the bio, "All the Pain That Money Can Buy," by William Wright. Johnny Carson has said he's not any happier now than before he had all that money.)

Nor is it fame. (Marilyn Monroe's unhappy life has been exhausted in numerous biographies and television depictions.)

One essential characteristic these unhappy people seem to lack is high self-esteem. Nothing is more important from my observation to personal fulfillment and contentment.

Gloria Steinem has a new book devoted to this subject. In the current Ms. Magazine, Alice Miller reveals that "Adolf Hitler's father, who himself had been regularly beaten with a whip until unconscious by his stepfather, beat young Adolf so viciously that his sisters later remember trying to restrain their father by holding onto his coat. A neighbor remembered the father whistling for Adolf as if he were a dog."

It was treatment not inclined to induce high self-esteem in anyone.

Nazi war criminal Adolf Eichmann, who, according to Ms. Magazine invented the term final solution, commissioned the design of the first gas chambers and directed the murder of more Jews than any other Nazi officer. Peter Z. Malkin, according to Ms., was one of a team of Israeli agents who captured Eichmann, a factor made all the more powerful by the fact that Malkin's own family was among the millions Eichmann ordered to their deaths.

The magazine further said: "In 1959, Malkin intercepted Eichmann on a Buenos Aires street and became his personal captor for several days. In a safehouse where he talked with Eichmann, in spite of orders not to, his curiosity about this monster was too great. What he found was a man completely cut off from all emotion."

Narcissism is the word that best describes Eichmann's character as depicted by Malkin. Narcissism is a relentless fixation on oneself. In a book fittingly titled "Narcissism," I learned that narcissists project an image rather than feelings. Their real feelings are dead. I know this to be accurate, both from my own experience and observation.

Malkin writes, "Why is it that one person comes of age profoundly humane while someone else of the same culture and social background is seemingly impervious to the needs of others?" The conclusion reached by Malkin has everything to do with how one is regarded as a child.

Feelings of high self-worth apparently come from how much criticism and putdown one is subjected to by those entrusted to raising us. Feeling assured one is loved unconditionally for oneself alone, and not their accomplishments or looks or intelligence, has everything to do with incorporating needed self-esteem in all of us. It is unlikely anyone possessing high self-worth will abuse either alcohol, drugs or tobacco.

If it's true young kids initially become involved in such abuse to go along with the crowd, high self-esteem in itself would be a sure deterrent since anyone possessing that will not need the approval of others.

The abuse so many are introduced to in childhood are names like stupid or worthless devastating to any child's self-esteem. Such abuse is often handed down from one generation to the next. It's mostly due to the fact that a lot of people either deny or seem unaware of the abuse they have endured, particularly when the abuse is emotional. At the risk of being overly simplistic, it would indeed be wonderful if everyone could feel good about themselves.

I long for us all to treat one another with the respect and high regard to which we are entitled. That is what I wish for myself and for everyone in this new year.