MISSOURIANA0

Gov. Mel Carnahan wants all Missouri students to be computer literate by the age of 12. Many parents would just settle for literate.

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During icy, wintry weather, most TV weathermen are about as accurate as Bob "I'm Going to Win" Dole.

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Missouri legislators are expected to reject a commission recommendation that their salaries be increased substantially. The public will be able to tell when the vote occurs by the loud sounds of anguished weeping and wailing.

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If your name is Elmo, you've probably already broken that New Year's resolution not to lose your temper after the one-hundredth "Tickle me."

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Sometimes the only cheerful words Missourians hear in wintry January are "at least the days are getting longer."

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Perfect timing is the way TV addicts describe the transition from the end of the O.J. Simpson trial to the start of the Super Bowl.

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One advantage of being a Missourian is that we never have to worry about tickets to post-season athletic games.