MISSOURIANA

St. Louis now ranks fifth in the country in crime according to latest statistics ... and that's not counting all the back-stabbing at City Hall.

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After being installed as chairman of the National Governors' Association, the first thing John Ashcroft did was withhold 20 percent of the NGA's budget.

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State Auditor Margaret Kelly announces she'll run for lieutenant governor next year. She's willing to trade all the excitement of double-entry bookkeeping for the hectic pace of being an unknown.

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The University of Missouri's next president, Dr. George Russell, was named to the post despite his age of 70. It's a good thing he wasn't a circuit judge or he would have been retired before he ever took office.

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In search of an NFL franchise, fans at St. Louis reportedly filled Busch Stadium for an exhibition game. The same persons counting the spectators were also clerks and judges at the last school election.

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Recently released hostages were relieved to find some things never change: Congress is still promising to balance the budget and Gerald Ford is still playing golf.