JIM BIUNDO RECEIVES AND DESERVES MANY ACCOLADES FOR SERVICE

JIM BIUNDO ... Southeast Missouri State University's assistant to the president for university relations (and one of Cape's top masters of ceremonies), retired Tuesday. He is receiving and deserving many accolades for his service to the university since 1988.

While serving as emcee at the recent ADDY awards banquet, he quoted WILLIAM SAROYAN from "The Time of Your Life" as follows:

"In the time of your life, live so that in that good time there shall be no ugliness or death for yourself or for any life your life touches. Seek goodness everywhere and when it is found, bring it out of its hiding place and let it be free and unashamed. Place in matter and in flesh the least of values, for these are the things that hold death and must pass away. Discover in all things that which shines and is beyond corruption. Encourage virtue in whatever heart it may have been driven into secrecy and sorrow by the shame and terror of the world. Ignore the obvious, for it is unworthy of the clear eye and the kindly heart. Be the inferior of no man, nor of any man be the superior. Remember that every man is a variation of yourself. No man's guilt is not yours, nor is any man's innocence a thing apart. Despise evil and ungodliness, but not men of ungodliness and evil. These, understand. In the time of your life, live -- so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but shall smile to the infinite delight and mystery of it."

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Don't know much about history: American college students have been quizzed about U.S. history. While nearly 100 percent could identify Beavis and Butthead and the rap singer Snoop Doggy Dogg, barely a third knew that George Washington was the victorious general at Yorktown, and a majority could not identify Valley Forge. Student performance was little better on 19th century history: Less than a quarter of collegians (22 percent) recognized the phrase "government of the people, by the people, for the people" as coming from Lincoln's Gettysburg Address (1863). The survey of students at top American colleges and universities was conducted by the Roper Organization at the University of Connecticut. -- Washington Update

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Clinton's dubious legacy: A panel of historians, including many liberals, has ranked America's 41 presidents. The 58 historians responded to a C-SPAN project to assess the performance of the chief executives. Lincoln ranked first, followed by Franklin D. Roosevelt, George Washington, Theodore Roosevelt and Harry Truman. Bill Clinton came in at 21st for overall performance, behind the man he defeated in 1992, George Bush (20th). Clinton's grade was lowered, doubtless, by his rank of 41st out of 41 in "moral authority." C-SPAN viewers ranked Clinton lower, at 36th in overall achievement, and agreed with the academics that his moral authority was the least (41st) of all U.S. presidents. Viewers agreed with the historians in ranking Lincoln first, but put Washington, at No. 2, higher than FDR. The historians ranked Ronald Reagan at 11th overall, while the viewers put him eighth. -- Washington Update

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Some Great Things About Getting Older

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Kidnappers are not interested in you.

It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

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What headline will be next TV show?: It hit me like a ton of bricks. There it was in black and white, the answer to the question that has surrounded society in recent years: "Where in the hell did we go wrong?" And all along it was right there in front of our collective noses.

The headlines recently ranged from violence in schools to the racially-charged rejection of Missouri Judge Ronnie White by the U.S. Senate. Throw in some ongoing calls for Hollywood to reduce sex, violence and substance abuse in the motion picture industry and then add the uproar over rap music and Marilyn Manson and you have a fairly typical news week in this country.

Lo and behold comes Saturday morning. I'm reading an interesting piece of Associated Press news on a new television series and, BINGO, there it is. The answer to these frustrating questions came from the mouth of a British television producer. And, boy, did he say a mouthful.

If you're confused at this point, let me explain. A 13-episode television series is scheduled for CBS next summer that will "strand" 16 American volunteers on an uninhabited island in the South China Sea to fend for themselves. In short, the last man staying will receive $1 million. I won't bore you with the rules of the game. The creator of this unique series says though the series may seem outrageous, it simply reflects the evolution of popular culture.

"Life has thrown up to us so many interesting narratives that fiction can't compete. How can anything in conventional entertainment compete with an O.J. Simpson or a Monica Lewinsky," said the show's creator. That's when it hit me. Life no longer imitates art. Art competes with real life. And art is losing.

Now, my reasoning may be shallow and my conclusion flawed. But tell me where I've gone wrong. School violence, racial division, outrageous behavior they all seem like attempts to duplicate those numbing stories that have dominated our lives in recent years. To make headlines today is not a matter of doing the unusual. Now the headlines are drawn like moths to a flame only by the outrageous.

We wonder aloud today why racial division is surfacing again. Al Sharpton's tirade in St. Louis, the issue of police racial profiling, the rejection of Missouri's Ronnie White or the call for more minorities on television all point to a divide that once seemed smaller than it is. Maybe we need not look beyond the Simpson saga.

Television programs gone amuck, Jenny Jones et al, sexual overtones abounding from prime time to daytime. Maybe we need not look beyond the Monica saga.

To blame these real-life episodes with all ills of mankind is too simplistic. But perhaps this is the evolution of popular culture. And if so, God help our children and theirs. -- Michael Jensen, Standard Democrat, Sikeston, Mo.

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Love thy husband: A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him. It will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied.

~Gary Rust is president of Rust Communications, which owns the Southeast Missourian and other newspapers.