Can a woman teach a man?

Mother’s Day is approaching, and there may be no better time to dive into this subject, which I open up with a question: Can men learn from a woman, or is that reserved for baby boys learning to walk, middle-schoolers learning in English class and teenagers learning to cook — with it all ending at graduation?

I should clarify the question. I’m really not asking if men can learn from women, and I’m certainly not asking if women have anything to teach men. So my question would be better stated this way: Do men believe women have anything to share with them that would add value to their development and success?

I have spent the bulk of my life teaching and facilitating — as a public school teacher, a speaker, a Bible teacher, a facilitator, a leader of book clubs and writing clubs and now, a John Maxwell-certified speaker, trainer and coach.

One thing I have noticed while facilitating groups is the disparity of numbers between men and women. A recent comment from a man who is a participant in one of the leadership Mastermind groups I facilitate brought this back to the forefront. In a survey for our group, he wrote he wished “to see more men” participate. He is the only guy in this particular group. He went on to write “a session geared toward males and their leadership roles as fathers and husbands” would be beneficial. This sparked a conversation in our group about why more men have not engaged in these groups in general.

First, let me be clear men do participate in my Mastermind groups, but they are usually outnumbered by women. Are women more interested in personal development? Do men think they’re too busy? Notice I said “think” — because ain’t nobody busier than a woman! Or is it what was proposed in our discussion: Do many men have an issue with women leading?

During our session, two participants weighed in — a woman and the man himself who expressed the desire to see more men take advantage of the opportunity to grow. Both expressed that some men likely have an issue believing they can be directed by a woman. Had that thought ever hit my head? Of course. So I did what I do when I want to learn what people are thinking: I asked questions.

I utilized social media, asking “ONLY for HONEST, self-reflective MEN” to answer. They were to pick Option 1, Option 2 or Option 3. Option 1 asked whether they avoid receiving teaching or facilitation from women because they don’t believe women can teach them anything. Option 2 asked whether they don’t have a problem being taught by a woman or having a woman facilitate leadership growth or do not even think about gender because they are open to learning from both women and men. Option 3 asked whether they don’t take advantage of opportunities to receive teaching or facilitation at all because they already know what they need to know and don’t believe anyone can teach them anything.

Granted, who would really pick 1 or 3? Even “honest” folks aren’t that honest. However, give them a comments section, and they usually reveal their true thoughts — even when they don’t realize it. Or am I wrong?

The commenters who did not select 1, 2 or 3 — or who mentioned 2 with an explanation about “intelligence” — fascinated me, for lack of a better word. It was not lost on me the men who felt it necessary to specify they can learn from a woman — as long as she is “smart” or “smarter than” they are or “competent” or some similar description. That fascinates me because I believe there’s something under the surface there — not hidden to me but perhaps hidden to the men who feel the caveat necessary.

I could be wrong, but I’m not sure if I had asked a question about men teachers and facilitators I would have gotten the same disclaimer. And mind you, I’m not one of those women looking for reasons to cry “Sexism!” But I am curious. It would seem a question about learning from a woman implies the woman is a competent leader. When I pointed this out, I got responses from men who said they have had experiences with teachers who weren’t good. Well, who hasn’t? And it’s not reserved for just one gender. Here’s the thing, though: We don’t know whether people are good teachers until we put ourselves in the position to be taught by them, right?

So that takes us back to the original question: 1, 2 or 3? Furthermore, “smarter than me”? How do you define that, gentlemen? Isn’t it subjective? Isn’t it also true “smarter than me” depends on the topic? So for some — maybe not all — the need to point out a woman he allowed to teach him would have to surpass his level of intelligence may expose his real answer is Option 1 or Option 3, even if he doesn’t realize it.

I am left to wonder, then: Are we still at a place where many men think a woman is likely not as bright as they are and they, therefore, cannot really learn from her? Or is this archaic, delusional mindset just held by a handful? Or am I just reading the whole thing wrong? What do you “honest, self-reflective men” think? Women, feel free to chime in also.

To be fair, I heard from men, in writing and in person, who indicated they are open to learning from women. I, therefore, welcome them into my workshops, Masterminds and various trainings, and I’m sure other women leaders welcome them in theirs. We will do our best to demonstrate that we are “smart” enough to handle the task, and the men who are already a part of these opportunities welcome the participation of fellow secure brothers who desire personal and professional growth.

Adrienne Ross is owner of Adrienne Ross Communications and a former Southeast Missourian editorial board member. Contact her at aross@semissourian.com.