Trendy or Trashy

by Lara K. Sebastian

Wrestlers of America Unite!!!

Attention all Personnel. If you can smell what the Rock is cooking, if you know who Jesse Ventura was before the political office, if you remember Andre the Giant or have experienced Hulkamania, there is help out there. It's a local thing you would have to search but I guarantee if you are athletic enough to do ten sit ups and not be winded then you might have a career (or at least a fun hobby). Pro-fessional (but less known) wrestling is NOT fake; anyone that says it's fake obviously believes that actors do all their own stunts. It is a trained skill that requires you to take a body blow or a chair to the back; it does hurt. Those with a low threshold for pain need not apply. However, if done properly it does not hurt as much as it appears to. Personally, I know quite a few professional but less well-known wrestlers. It doesn't need to be glitzy to be good. There is nothing like seeing a 320lb male standing over six feet tall to do a moonsault (flipping over with your back facing the target) on to a supposedly "unconscious" opponent. It is entertaining for some odd reason. You enjoy watching all the people who are willing to scream at the top of their lungs at a wrestler just because the do not like the way his face makeup is. Or see some woman in the crowd stand between one wrestler and another who is about to be pummeled with a chair. You see the true nature of the human race and you are struck with awe. We are all mildly amused by it. We can lie or face the truth, our sports; hockey, boxing, baseball are a betting man's game. But wrestling is fixed before it even starts. That's why they aren't allowed to Gamble on it. But I'm sure that the people that work for wrestling are even more hush-hush with the plots than Jimmy Hoffa's body location. Just for reference I think it's part of Detroit's stadium.

To be sure wrestling is in all cases staged, but understand there is an underlying code of silence that follows it. No one ever addresses the fact that these guys hang out on days off. That their kids go to the same schools and that in some cases they are married to one another's siblings. I wondered about what it would take to be a wrestler so I asked. Some start out in local arena's doing guest appearances, some start out by going to stunt college. Wrestlers and stunt men go to colleges for their particular field of expertise. In some cases if a wrestler retires they become a stunt man just to alleviate some of the boredom. Be careful in choosing this as a career though it does have a strange set of rules. These are just to let you know what you are getting into.

1. All wrestlers have a gimmick that corresponds with their name. (The wrestlers I know all have the gimmicky sounding names and wear them on their apparel. They will probably do this till they can wear someone else's name on their person).

2. Determine your status (this means whether or not you are a good guy).

3. If you change your status you must change your ensemble.

4. If you are the bad guy you must have an appearance that would scare children.

5. If you are a good guy you can not cheat and must lose at least once to someone who cheats determining that you are a good guy.

6. Masculine wrestlers should wear a cup.

7. Feminine wrestlers should wear two.

8. Watch the fans, if you seem insane or homosexual, they will try to hit you with whatever is available and if that doesn't work, their body.

9. If in part of your gimmick you are either of the previous do not think it will effect your fan base (People forget, Stunning Steve Austin).

10. Never spit on a grave (Not important to wrestling but a good rule to follow).

This has been a test of the emergency broadcasting system. If this were an actual emergency you would not be reading it.