The Zone Insider

Man, times are changin'... Boner's got a girl; Bondsy got the Swan treatment; Tabatha's up for prizes, and Parker's got this 'Meatwad' haircut. If you see him, tell him it's working. (Mwoo-ha-ha...)

I tried the radio thing, but it's harder than it looks. And then I figured out that they were keeping me busy so I didn't have time to spy on them. So I'm gonna stick with my pirate radio show (Fridays, 1AM, on rural route K between mile marker 59 and 61, I think...) and let them do their thing.

Okay, I've been waiting until I got the deets; it's time to plan some road trips. For some reason, most of the good stuff's in the second half of the summer anyway, but you should have enough time to raise the dough and clear the calendar (in most cases.)

Vacation Spot 1: MEMPHIS (3 hours)

Memphis, an afternoon south of here, isn't rockin' like it used to. Their 'modern rock' station just got turned into hip-hop, and the last big rock act to come out of there was SALIVA. But PRINCE is playing the Pyramid this month, and I'm still jonesin' to see Graceland, maybe meet the Rev. Al Green...

Might even check out some rock or wrestling at the New Daisy Theatre. My pal Sarah checked out AFI and COHEED there, so it's cool enough for me. THREE DAYS GRACE are playing there the 24th, a few weeks before they take the warm-up spot for EVANESCENCE's summer tour. SHINEDOWN will headline there the 30th; SOIL's the opener.

Vacation Spot 2: KANSAS CITY (5 hours)

I know the first thing I want to do on a vacation is go further inland. But some of you might have family commitments, or witness relocation stuff. I don't know why you're out there, and I won't hold it against you.

But while you're there, there's a cool club called "The Hurricane" that mostly plays local and hipster stuff. If you're in the area June 28th, ex-Dead Kennedys drummer D.H. PELIGRO will begin the musical decimation of the city from there.

Otherwise, many Zone artists will be stopping in the mighty K.C. before they hit St Louis, if you absolutely need to be ahead of the curve. And if you're one of the Zone's straight-up rockers, there's Rockfest 2004 on the 19th, featuring PUDDLE OF MUDD, BREAKING BENJAMIN, FUEL, DROWNING POOL, and, uh, SALIVA...

Vacation Spot 3: EARTH CITY (2 hours)

St Louis' wet dog of a suburb has one reason to visit: the former Riverport Amphitheatre. It's the most likely stop for the biggest tours in the Midwest, so if you're ready for a big show, it's probably in your trajectory this summer.

Here's some of the lineups that impressed me, with prices:

DAVE MATTHEWS BAND (June 17th) $38.50 - $53.00

311, THE ROOTS (June 30th) $23.00 - $35.00

LINKIN PARK, KORN, SNOOP DOGGY DOGG, LESS THAN JAKE, THE USED (Aug 25th) $45 - $49.50

Ozzfest (August 12nd) $44.00 - $131.00(!)

St Louis lineup: BLACK SABBATH, JUDAS PRIEST, SLAYER, SUPERJOINT RITUAL, DIMMU BORGIR, ZAKK WYLDE'S BLACK LABEL SOCIETY, SLIPKNOT, HATEBREED, LAMB OF GOD, LACUNA COIL, ATREYU, UNEARTHED

Vacation Spot 3.5: THE WARPED TOUR, ST LOUIS STOP (July 21st) $26.25

I know, it's in Earth City, but Warped is in a league by itself, in my opinion. Last year was the circus come to town, and this year, there's more Zone artists than ever. (The best thing about being in print: there is no way that the radio could tell you every band playing the St Louis stop of this tour.)

NEW FOUND GLORY, YELLOWCARD, RISE AGAINST, GO BETTY GO, COHEED AND CAMBRIA, STORY OF THE YEAR, THE CASUALTIES, TAKING BACK SUNDAY, BEFORE THE MARCH OF FLAMES, ATMOSPHERE, RUFIO, LETTER KILLS, FLOGGING MOLLY, SUGARCULT, ALLISTER, BLEED THE DREAM, ANTI FLAG, TIGER ARMY, AVENGED SEVENFOLD, THE BEAUTIFUL MISTAKE, BOUNCING SOULS, BILLY TALENT, MATCHBOOK ROMANCE, MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK, BAD RELIGION, LARS AND THE BASTARDS, FROM AUTUMN TO ASHES, NOFX, THE VANDALS, JACKSON, ALKALINE TRIO, REVOLUTION SMILE, UNDERMINDED, ANATOMY OF A GHOST, FROM FIRST TO LAST, DYNAMITE BOY, BOYS NIGHT OUT, HIDDEN IN PLAIN VIEW, DON'T LOOK DOWN, OVER IT, MELEE, CODIE, SUFFOCATE FASTER, KILL RADIO, SINGLE FRAME, ARKHAM, A FAITH CALLED CHAOS...

Vacation Spot 4: CHICAGO (6 hours)

Tinley Park, to be exact... (Have you ever driven the Chicago Loop? Don't, that thing's inescapable!) Chicago (July 29th-30th) is the closest stop Lollapalooza 2004's making to our terra firma. After that, it's 8 hours to Atlanta (August 21st-22nd) and 10 to Cleveland (August 9th-10th)

And what's worth the trip? Well, MORRISEY, SONIC YOUTH, MODEST MOUSE, BLACK REBEL MOTORCYCLE CLUB, THE VON BONDIES, DANGER MOUSE, SPARTA, BUMBLEBEEZ 81, and MIKE WATT are some of the bands playing on the 29th. And the NEXT day - The FLAMING LIPS, THE POLYPHONIC SPREE, GOMEZ, BASEMENT JAXX, THE THRILLS and a klatch of other bands make it worth the sleepover. Lollapalooza's made me starry-eyed again.

Vacation Spot 5: SIX FLAGS EUREKA (1 hour, 45 minutes)

C'mon! What's more rockin' than roller coasters and flume rides? And WEIRD AL YANKOVIC's in concert August 21st! Dude!

Vacation Spot 6: LOUISVILLE, KY (4.5 HOURS)

Why would anyone that doesn't like horse racing or Hee Haw bother to go to Louisville, Kentucky? Why, the "Great Lawn", of course. There's "Lebowskifest", from June 18-20th, for everybody who had to study the film this semester. Also, some inexplicably cool concerts. SPOON's playing at Headliners Music Hall on the 26th (which means something to self-professed Indie fans.) A lot of the festival shows playing St Louis will hit Louisville about a month later, in case you get second thoughts (or need the time to raise the cash.) And EVANESCENCE will play the Waterfront Park on August 4th, with THREE DAYS GRACE, SEETHER, and BREAKING BENJAMIN.

Incidentally, this might be the last Evanescence update. Seems the jock I was running this for has stated his dislike of 'spooky chicks.' That's okay, Amy; I still luv ya...

I just used the Gothic Name Generator (www.eschew.net/gothname2/index.php) and it turns out my name's GREGOR RAYNE. Or VLADIMIR, DEFILER OF SILVER JEWELRY. Whatever's clever.

Mind you, there's plenty of reasons to keep up with the scene here. If you're punky, funky, jammin' or straight-up metal, there's plenty of musical militias in the hinterlands gearing up for audio Armageddon. When the multi-national music-label-conglomerate infrastructure collapses under its collective dead-weight, the guitar armies of Cape, Sikeston, Scott City, and parts surrounding will rise up like so many tribes of Wolverines and bring us salvation. So who will be the next Charlie Sheens and Patrick Swayzes? Check out "The Indie Zone" Sunday nights at 10pm, and find out. Because there's a handful of scarecrows left in Denver give anything for a mouthful of what you got...

Here's a band worth hunting down: AUDIO KARATE. Their new album, "Lady Melody" is out this month, and you can sample two tracks on their website, via Kung Fu Records. (I'm speaking to you folks, but I'm talking to The Powers That Be, as well.) Great tunes to watch an oncoming tornado to...

Well, Vladimir's gonna get some sun and crank some tunes. You do the same. Open your ears...

QUOTE OF THE MONTH: "All the great icons of rock have been incredibly insane individuals." - Billy Corgan