The Dharma Bum

by Jaysen Buterin

If the body is a temple, I'm simply decorating

"I give you a perfectly good body and you go and poke holes into it" - my mother

Motley Crue, lots of bikers, guests of our various penal institutions, many of my friends, and me. What do we all have in common? Give up? The answer is tattoos, lots of them, and it doesn't look like any of us have any plans to stop acquiring them. Some may call it an addiction, some may chalk it up to the naivete of capretious youth, some may even think of it as that final descent into the clandestine world that only bad and scary people live in. I prefer to think of it as this - the body is supposed to be a temple, well if it is, I'm simply decorating, that's all. Think of it as Martha Stewart meets Tommy Lee.

One of the few edicts that my mother issued to me upon dropping me off at the dormitories of collegiate academentia was simple - "DON'T GET ANY TATTOOS!" I was fine with that, and being completely respectful of my mother, was steadfast in maintaining that ideal. I wasn't ever going to get a tattoo and that was that. This dilligence lasted all of two weeks when I ended up in Memphis getting the Cherokee symbol for tranquility on my ankle. So I had done it, I finally had a tattoo, and one was all I needed, I had no desire for any more - EVER.

So two months later I'm back in Memphis getting a celtic ring around my finger - I'm an oak of resistance.

Eighteen tattoos later, I've abandoned all forms of resistance, and now my mother's usual greeting upon my return visits home is, "Did you poke any more holes in your body?" I've often tried to debate with her that tattoos are not really poking holes in the body, that would be more of a piercing, but hey, you trying waxing semantic with my mother and see how far you get. She has actually admitted a liking for a couple of my tattoos - a lizard within a sun around my navel, and on my right arm - a celtic/tribal sleeve with my parents and my initials in Gaelic. Humourously enough, when I "hid" my first tattoo from her for awhile and she finally discovered it, she was upset because I didn't tell her I got one. This puzzled me for a bit, but parental logic shall be the subject of a later diatribe.

So if you don't have any tattoos and the idea of getting one sounds like a "neat & fun" thing to do, save your money, because nobody ever really stops at one. There's just something undescribable about it. The almost tribal permanency of having a symbol or idea forever displayed under your skin. The paradigms of your imagination taking shape in the ink at the mercy of the hands of the artist. The needle tracing the incipient paths of what shall always be a part of you. Forgive me if I sound like I'm glamourising the whole process, but it can truly be a Zen-like experience (and no...it doesn't hurt. I've often sat reading a book, or engaging in witty rhetoric and banter with the artist, or just sit and wait to be done so I can finally have that pint of Newcastle at Cicero's.)

While I've drawn the majority of the tattoos I have, I have selected a couple from the studio, but all fall within the realm of tribal or celtic designs, as a deeply connected sign of hereditary pride. So this shall be the nugget of sage-like advice I insert here: should you decide to get a tattoo, take your time and really think about it. Because you know, as cool as your Greek letters may seem now - you may not like them in five years (and before I get slammed by the Greek community I'm simple making a point, not poking fun). You may not be able to remember whose idea it was to get a flaming skull on your forearm, or Austin 3:16 on your shoulder. You may not be able to figure out why in the world you now have a naked woman straddling a .357 Magnum with an American flag in the background on your chest, (tragically enough, this is a real tattoo I've seen, I wish I were making it up). Finally, do not, under any circumstances, get anyones name tattooed on your body. The only exception is your own, or your parents - but some times your own name tattooed on your body can either look goofy or as a sign of ostentatiousness...except of course for my friend Zac.

So to reiterate, if you're going to get a tattoo, be prepared to get more. If you want a highly recommendable tattoo parlour to visit, (START GRATUITOUS PLUG) go to Iron Age Tattoos in the Delmar Loop. They do fantastic work and everyone there is truly an artist (END GRATUITOUS PLUG). Tattoos are fascinating on so many different levels - thus the basis of its appeal to an infinitely wide gamut of people. Some display theirs more lavishly, while others shelter theirs under the asylum of clothes. The fundamental and underlying rule applies with tattoos as with all things - do so out of a burning desire to do it for yourself, and you'll be happy with whatever you get. So boys and girls, as the sun sets in the west, I bid you a fond farewell, where I'll continue to decorate the temple to the lulling sound of the tattoo gun, and drinking coffee with Tommy Lee and Martha Stewart. And Mama, I promise I won't get any more!!!

Rest in Peace, Mr. Charles M. Schulze

Your soul, your spirit and your legacy will live on forever. We can never repay you or thank you enough. Goodbye.