Some Things Irish

by Jason Kesterson

For the record, I am an Irish American. My family history and heritage come right out of County Cork, Ireland. So with this said, it is my birthright to point these following things out and rant, laugh hysterically, or head-butt the next person that makes a potato joke. That's my disclaimer, I'm standing by it.

Let us start off with beer. Being stereotypical here, where else would you expect me to begin? There is Guinness and then there are a lot of things you could drink if you could not find a Guinness within a four hundred mile radius. First brewed in 1759, Guinness is regarded as probably the second best Irish concoction, Irish whiskey being the first. Now that you have your history, let's get on with this. I am not trying to step on toes here, but a beer lighter than coffee is only one notch above a soft drink. Light beer makes me cringe. Seriously, if you want less calories, drink water. If you want a beer, drink a Guinness (there's a plug).

Next let's talk about leprechauns. They're not cute, there is no gold, and I doubt they are lucky. I find leprechauns extremely annoying for one reason and one reason only, Lucky Charms cereal. This guy dances around leaving a trail of shamrocks and gold and what do you get? That's right, purple horseshoes. You don't even get real prizes in the boxes anymore.

This leads me right to St. Patrick's Day. One day out of an entire year in which loads of people put on green pants, parading around drinking green beer, and saying things like, "Luck o' the Irish to you." All of this while boasting a pin that reads, "Kiss me, I'm Irish." Okay, first things first. As a rule of thumb, the Irish aren't lucky, (i.e. the famines). If the Irish are so lucky then why line up by the hundreds to kiss a rock? I'll tell you why, because the "Kiss me, I'm Irish" pins aren't working.

Okay, about fighting. You knew I would get to this. Irish people find a joy in fighting. Not all Irish people, just a selected few, otherwise known as hooligans. The fighting usually breaks out at weddings and other family gatherings. It is kind of like an extreme show of affection. For example, "Hey, how was your brother's wedding?" If you were Irish you would answer, "Great! Check out my broken nose."

Contrary to popular belief, not all Irish people or their descendants drink. Personally, I don't know any of them, but I'm sure they're just as happy as the rest of us.

Riverdance, Riverdance, Riverdance. Do I really have to open this one up? I have seen Irish dancing, and it is usually combined with shouting and staggering, falling over tables at your brother's wedding, and hitting the ground with your face. Sometimes this is confused with fighting.

Really, on a more serious note, whatever your heritage is, take pride in it. Learn it and remember where you come from. We are now far from the days when windows in storefronts displayed signs that ignorantly stated "NO blacks, NO dogs, NO Irish." Thankfully we have moved away from such practices of prejudice. We are all equal, and we are all here together. Let's keep getting used to it and keep learning from each other. So take out your best friend, buy him/her a Guinness, buy yourself a Guinness, stay away from light beer and Lucky Charms, and take that stupid pin off.