Movie review: "Babylon A.D." aptly named B.A.D.

A smart story, a good script full of heart-pounding action scenes, and a lead actor that can actually act.  These are the hallmarks of a great action movie, and none are present in the new Vin Diesel flick, "Babylon A.D." (hereafter B.A.D.). This movie was horrible from start to finish.

The story revolves around a bounty hunter/professional escort (Diesel) delivering a girl and her caretaker from central Asia to New York City for some reason which I could not figure out. It isn’t actually spelled out clearly. At one point, I thought that the girl could read minds, at another I thought she was clairvoyant or had telekinetic powers, and at yet another I thought she might be the second coming of Christ. We are only told that she needs to see a doctor in NYC.

I will admit that there was a point in the B.A.D. film, about 15 minutes in, that I thought this might be a decent film. This was when we met the girl’s caretaker, played by the always wonderful Michelle Yeoh. I thought we might at least get to see her kick a little butt along the way. How wrong I was. The exact moment  the fighting started on screen was also apparently when the editor of the B.A.D. film decided to start working as well. There were so many quick cuts it felt like I was watching a flipbook that had been assembled in the wrong order.

I cannot think of a single good thing to say about this B.A.D. film other than, "at least it wasn’t 3 hours long." A quick note to the producers of the film: that quote might be useful on the DVD case of the movie, because it’s probably going to be the best quote you will get.

My final thoughts about "Babylon A.D."? I thought I knew going in, that the A.D in "Babylon A.D." stood for Anno Domini, meaning the year of our lord, but after actually seeing the film, I realize that the letters stand for Absolute Disaster.  Avoid at all costs.