Kill Your T.V.

by Jason Parker

Former music video vixen and American's Funniest People co-host Tawny Kitaen made me snort coke............a cola out of my nose the other day when she quipped on a VH1 special about 80's heavy metal, that the reason KISS band members specifically Gene Simmons had to wear makeup was because of what they looked like underneath it. The irony of this is found in a mug shot from the night she was arrested for assaulting her husband Chuck Finley a few years ago. I'm shocked that a makeup-less Tawny wasn't cast as the lead character in Monster instead of Charlize Theron.

Bill Cosby is probably not going to be starring in any Malcom X movies anytime soon. I'd really hate to hear what he has to say about other races.

www.Stopfcc.org

RFID technology. Some people will say it's the sign of the devils mark. Others will applaud its labor cost cutting capabilities for major corporations. Either way I'm investing in them.

See Epic.org for more information and judge for yourself.

Is Jessica Simpson just that naïve or impassive? Three people living off her fame and success. Nick Lache, her sister, and now her best friend turned "assistant". Dear Jessica, I will write an article for you once a month in Off Magazine. Please let me sponge?

Finally after years and years of getting screwed in the drive-thru I got my redemption! Last week at an unnamed fast food establishment who has ruined 5 out of every 10 drive thru orders in it's history, I was repaid in what can only be described as an act of God! I was behind some obnoxious but hot lady in an SUV. She ordered 18 bucks worth of fast food. I managed to dig up 2 bucks and some change from my floor and ashtray to get two of the buck specials. She didn't realize that this particular establishment for whatever reason does not accept credit or debit! She left to hit the ATM next door promising she'd be back. In the confusion of the lunch rush I got her order and proceeded to gorge myself in what is best referred to as pure unadulterated gluttony!

SWEEEEEEEET