Kill Your T.V.

Did you know that the term "mullet" was started by the Beastie Boys? "Number 1 on the side and don't touch the back/Number 6 on the top and don't cut it wack, Jack". There was such an overwhelming response (i.e. all 7 of you liked it) that I've decided to list a few more of my favorite mullet nicknames.

Wanna hear it? Here it goes: Ape Drape. Missouri Compromise. Neck Blanket. Soccer Rocker. Tennessee Tophat. Camaro Hair. Mudflap. Dirtstick. Alabama Shag. 10/90. And finally the Calm Before the Storm. So the next time you see one think of me.

I bought some lottery tickets the other day. I want a refund. I'm still here.

Michael Moore is a celebrity terrorist. He's more of a threat to this country than that dude with the blanket on his head that lives in the cave that we still can't seem to find.

Lenny Kravitz is totally trying to steal Andre 3000's style. Typical Kravitz.

I want to warn you of a scam that happened to someone I know. Some loser stole the outgoing mail from my buddy's mailbox and removed all the checks that were outgoing towards bills. The little delinquent then proceeded to write over one of the checks he stole and cash it.

Hey Cardinals fans, look on the bright side, at least as of the time I write this article we're a half game better than the Brewers.

Check out www.stopfcc.com and sign the petition. Call your congressman or woman and stop a ridiculous attempt at mind control by fat rich white men, and that communist Michael Powell.

Oh about this gas price thing. It's all politics so don't go yelling at local gas station employees. Right before the election our brilliant president will suddenly work some deal with OPEC that will lower gas prices to somewhat affordable levels, and help sway votes.

Isn't it great to be an American? We can burn more money driving to the grocery store to buy our own food than most third world families have to eat on each week. Makes my dream of buying a new Chrysler 300M with the fat chrome wheels even juicier. Nothing like 10 miles to the gallon.

Viva Le Mullet.