Juvenile and gross

According to Dr. Laura, marrying a person you barely know is one of the "10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives."

Yet in "The Heartbreak Kid," Eddie Cantro (Ben Stiller in his worst role yet) yields to the pressure put on by his father and a friend and marries a woman he has only known for six weeks.

A loose remake of Neil Simon's film starring Charles Grodin and Cybill Shepherd -- where Grodin played a New York Jewish sporting goods salesmen who ditches his down-to-earth Jewish bride in Miami when he meets WASP goddess Shepherd -- this movie seems to be a last-ditch effort of the Farrelly Brothers. While "Shallow Hal," "Stuck on You" and "Fever Pitch" were all based on gimmicks, they were also rated PG-13. The Farrellys have grossly outdone themselves with this movie, producing an R-rated (for raunchy) flick with poor adolescent male humor in the genre of gross-out romantic comedy.

The results are gross, profane, full of yucky jokes and sexual gymnastics that leaves even Stiller's honeymooning husband quaking in fear.

Eddie is a 40-year-old single sporting goods salesman. Stiller's real life father, Jerry, plays Eddie's father, who nags Eddie continually to get married. Eddie meets Lila, (Mila Akerman), a cute blonde with whom he begins a whirlwind courtship after rescuing her from a supposed mugger. Six weeks later, they are married and honeymooning at a resort in Mexico.

It doesn't take long for Eddie to realize he's made a terrible mistake. After the wedding, Lila turns into a monster: She likes her drink, she has huge debts, she used to have a drug problem that has left her with a deviated septum and she enjoys rough sex. Sporty, healthy Eddie is horrified and escapes their suite while Lila nurses a bad sunburn. She also sings loudly to oldies on the radio, but I can't hold that against her.

Complicating matters is pretty Miranda (Michelle Monaghan) who might really be Eddie's "The One." Eddie tries to trade in old for new, attempting to flit between the two women in a series of silly slapsticks, which includes Lila peeing on Eddie's back to get rid of a man-of-war. Monaghan is charming as Miranda and the only likable character in the whole movie. With Miranda as the other woman, the movie seems to develop, however briefly, an emotional backbone.

The opening 10 minutes, in which Eddie attends the wedding of his ex-fiancee, are semifunny, but after that the comedy not only withers, but becomes offensive. Don't waste your money on this one.