Flight attendant turns work into one-woman show, book

MINNEPOLIS -- Do you have raspberry-kiwi iced tea?

Has anyone ever said you look like Monica Lewinsky?

Who's flying the plane?

Passengers have asked these and many other questions of Rene Foss as she scurried to fetch their drinks, hand out their pretzels and pick up their garbage.

Foss, a second-generation flight attendant, has taken her 19 years of experience and turned it into a hilarious one-woman play and book, "Around the World in a Bad Mood!" (subtitled "Confessions of a Flight Attendant"). She performs at the Minneapolis Theatre Garage through March 28.

Foss still works at Northwest Airlines, where she started flying in 1985. She's quick to say that the airline of her play and book, WAFTI ("We Apologize For This Inconvenience"), is not based on a specific carrier. She wears nondescript uniforms while performing and does not mention Northwest in the book or play.

"It's really a commentary on air travel in general," she says.

Flying these days isn't the same as it was when Foss' mother, Maxyne, worked as a stewardess for Northwest Orient Airlines in the 1950s. Flying then was considered a luxury; Rene Foss calls it the golden age of air travel.

"Instead of wearing white gloves, we're wearing rubber gloves. Instead of serving lobster thermidor, we're learning to put handcuffs on people. And instead of practicing the art of polite conversation, we're practicing the art of self-defense," Foss said.

On stage, Foss is a dynamic performer, throwing herself from a frenzied "safety demo" pantomime that opens the show to different skits. In one sketch, Foss uses puppets made of barf bags to re-enact "Macbeth" as a comic duel between two passengers warring for the same first-class seat.

Foss, who stands 5 feet and 4 inches, hasn't had to cuff any unruly passengers in her career. But she understands how crowded airports, long lines and increased security can try passengers' patience.

"So you kind of get on the plane and you are hungry and you are tired," she said. "And now we don't even really serve food anymore."

That's when passengers end up in a bad mood, she said. "And then the flight's full and there's no room to put your bag on because you're the last passenger, and then we're going to take away your bag and check it. And then the only seats left are center seats. And, well, 'Welcome aboard!'"

Foss is planning to take her show to Los Angeles. She hopes it becomes a franchised theater piece such as "Late Night Catechism" or "Defending the Caveman," and dreams of a TV sitcom. She also would like to do a sequel to the book, and has a "Bad Mood Hot Line" at (212) 712-8702 where passengers can tell Foss about their terrible flight experiences.