Alex Goes Off!

by Alexandra R. Yaremko

"In the Bag."

It's a mystery to some. You don't leave home without it. It contains not just your identification, but your identity. The things you know you will need and things you think you might need on the miniature adventure called your day. You've got one of everything and duplicates of really important things like keys and lipstick. Your purse is your lifeline.

The best example of this is from a TV show with no other redeeming qualities (except the main characters' great kitchen cabinets). On "Mad About You," "Paul" and "Jamie" constantly whined each other's names. "Paul, where's the soap?" "Jamie, where's my toothbrush?" on and on and on.

But there was an episode in which Jamie and her sister (whose name wasn't Paul or Jamie so I don't know if they even bothered to name her) got their bags mixed up. Apparently Jamie's sister was a bit of a flake, per the requirements of sitcom siblings. But, because she had Jamie's bag, her day completely turned around. Inside was a newspaper, so she went to a job interview. On the way to the interview it was raining, but there was an umbrella in the bag. The sister got a run in her hose and there was a spare pair. Meanwhile across town, poor Jamie was left with a bag full of yo-yos. Or one yo-yo and some other things that just didn't work for her day. In truth, I can only remember the umbrella, hose, and at least one yo-yo, but you get the point. What's in your bag can make or break your day.

Recently, I asked a number of women what they carry with them. And a number of them did say umbrellas. All of them said some sort of cosmetics. With the makeup, it was just a matter of degrees, or how many different products they carry. Lip products won by a landslide with everyone having a least one.

Beyond cosmetics, the specifics of what women carry goes a little something like this. Beginning alphabetically, Becky carries a Swiss army knife and has found a dog treat in her purse as well. Much like Christina who carries a dog leash because, "It just gets thrown in there."

Erin has a postcard from Jen who just got back from Hawaii and Jen has, "A big, fat (use your imagination)." Jerica carries microwavable soup. Joan's bag, although small in size, is full of interesting stuff. "Let's see, an empty plastic bag, two old cookies I meant to throw away, barrettes (Joan now has short hair), and a Buckeye my father gave me for good luck." Kelly has a Maglite, which came in handy on the 4th of July when it was used as a boat light.

Kimberli has a key to her ex-husband's house. Kristen weighs in with another Swiss army knife, a straw, and a hair-pick although she has straight hair. Linda has fingernail glue. "I used to carry a Buckeye too. But I threw it out because it was from an ex-boyfriend." And Lonnie's implement of choice is tweezers.

Nicole used to carry deodorant, "Until I was accused of stealing at Country Mart. I also used to carry a fork I used in restaurants, but I'm over that now." Shirley carries dental floss, a comb she never uses, "I bought it for my mom, but then she found hers, so I was going to give it to my niece but haven't," and old driver's licenses, "so you can see the differences in the pictures."

Suzi, who switches purses regularly, has signs from work she wrote notes on, and a piece of square, orange plastic someone gave her, "It looks like a Jolly Rancher and came off a fax machine." In addition, Suzi also has a guitar pick, although she doesn't play, (which I told her was this much hoochie as in 'I'm with the band'). Finally, not to be out done, Tara carried a cookbook with her today.

Whether what we carry with us is for practical reasons, sentiment, or neurosis... Some things we carry work for us. Others just got thrown in. And a lot of the things we carry with us on a daily basis should have been thrown away a long time ago.