Alex Goes Off!

Alexandra R. Yaremko

"Golf. What is it Good For?"

Golf is fascinating. Not the way golf fans would say it's fascinating. "Did you see that shot? Which club did he use?" Golf is fascinating because of the responses it elicits. These responses generally fall into two categories: complete devotion or utter boredom. Here, the population is pretty much divided evenly: men = complete devotion, women = utter boredom.

There are women who enjoy golf. On the professional level, perhaps excluding Gabrielle Reese who is trying to join the circuit, the only other option might be a professional softball league if one exists. The women who enjoy golf as a hobby are usually of a certain age and find it easier on the joints than tennis.

Some husbands and wives play golf together. These couples are also of a certain age and this playing golf together business seems to be an aspect of second marriages. Maybe because the misuse and misunderstanding of golf contributed to the demise of their respective first marriages.

There are women who play golf whose husbands don't; the driving range set. Driving ranges don't require the hours upon hours a round takes. Plus you get to see how far you can hit the ball, just like pool (kidding...). The driving range set usually has a few kids and can't take an entire Saturday, let alone a weekend in Alabama to play.

Then there are the most dangerous of the women golfers: those who fake it. Single women who play golf to meet men or those who are dating men who play and decide to take it up so that the new couple can spend more time together.

For those women who take up golf to meet men, proceed with caution. Yes, some men think it's cute, sexy, whatever. As one man recently said, "It's attractive to see women play golf." But in general, men think a lot of things women do are attractive. Except open a jar of pickles naked (Seinfeld). If you actually met a guy playing golf, you would have to keep up the charade for a few months. Think how you feel when he's not so keen on seeing chick flicks anymore. Why start out faking things? These are months of your life you will never get back.

As far as golfing to spend new couple time together, you need to rethink this mindset entirely. New couple time is why the gods invented restaurants, walks in the park, and going to sporting events like baseball games. Participating, together, in a sport is not a new couple activity. One of you, guess who, is probably a bit competitive and the "I beat you" dance (think running around in circles swinging a golf club in the air) is not something you want to experience. New couple time should be rethought because if you stay together, down time is bound to come along, so why not build it in from the beginning. That way you never say things like, "Remember when we used to spend every moment together..."

So what is golf good for? When used correctly it's actually a great couple saver (hunting can be as well). Golf gives him something to do while you do your thing. Think of it this way, ladies: golf is to men what shopping is to women. Don't misuse it as time together. Golf, like shopping, is a sport best done with friends and not with significant others. They both have seasons and may require a trip out of town to get a hole in one.