Alex Goes Off! - Airport World

Alexandra R. Yaremko

Sociologists and anthropologists alike have recognized and touted the importance of language among cultures. Every culture or microcosm making up the big-picture world has its own language and lingo, specific ways and means of communicating. Airports are no exception to this rule.

Airports are a world in and of themselves. Anything and everything you can do in the world at large is conveniently offered up in Airport World for perhaps a not so comfortable price. Eat, sleep, use the facilities, reproduce, you name it, it is available in or around the airport.

Unlike many of you out there, I actually like picking people up at the airport. It doesn't happen every week, or even every month, for that matter, so that's probably one of the reasons I still like it. Dropping off is, of course, not all that. The frequency, or lack of frequency, lends a novel touch to the picking up process. But the one thing I miss about Airport World is being able to go to the gate and watch the planes land and take off.

The airport is full of potential, and is one of the only nouns you will every hear me describe as such. As far as men go, "the full of potential" theory doesn't fly. I am not a physicist; I cannot change potential into kinetic and have never subscribed to this relationship theory. But the airport is different. Get a ticket and any point of arrival is eventually possible.

Airports are a great place to people-watch. All shapes, sizes, and colors cross your field of vision and without going to the extreme end of hokey, people watching at the airport is in this way very much like a flower show. Although the flower show would smell better.

The vernacular of Airport World is also quite flowery (sorry...). In Airport World "cup of coffee" translates into four dollars. The Airport World translation that is the funniest, or most painful, which in hindsight is often the same thing, is "on time." On time means the plane left the gate from its point of departure on schedule. It does not mean the plane arrives on time. The plane can, and will, sit on the tarmac for two, three, even four hours, after pulling out of the gate before taking off. E.t.a. being any body's guess.

"On time" is a particular favorite Airport World phrase and one I would love to try in My World. Once. ME, to Boss, "But I left for work on time." BOSS, to Me, "You weren't here until noon." Think Wright Brothers first dozen or so attempts.

The beauty of Airport World is people are truly happy when they finally see one another there. You have to love someone in order to pay X amount per half-hour for parking, don't you. However, when you're waiting, the place is full of red herrings and look-a-likes. You will never see as many people that look exactly like the person you're waiting for as you will at the airport, except maybe in dating situations... Big, fat, squeazy babies also abound at the airport and you have never heard so many, "There he is"-es in your life.

Airport World is designed to make you feel more at ease with being away from home and hauling a better part of your wardrobe across county. You can buy your city's newspaper there and it is one of the only places left anywhere in the big-picture world where you can still get your shoes shined. Albeit, only to have a big, fat, squeazy baby drool on them.

For us, in this part of the country, a trip to Airport World also includes a stop at White Castle on the way home. So, during this time of the year White Castle stuffing with someone you love is well worth the trip and a couple of hours of anticipatory waiting. And remember, once you learn the language, too expensive but full of rewarding sights, you're all set.