A legion of celebrities tapped for 'Rocky Horror' on Broadway

NEW YORK -- Theater quiz time: What do Jerry Springer, Sally Jessy Raphael, Penn & Teller, Dave Holmes, Cindy Adams, Gilbert Gottfried and Robin Leach all have in common?

Answer: They have no idea what they're getting themselves into.

Over the next two months, each will step into a Broadway theater to temporarily replace Dick Cavett as the narrator of "The Rocky Horror Show," the raucous musical based on the cult movie.

While the narrator is the only member of the show who doesn't end up in drag, the role isn't without its hazards: Things are thrown, crazed fans constantly interrupt and you can quickly become a target for barbs.

Cavett's advice to his successors? "See if there are any other jobs open."

Much of the show's success since its debut a year ago has been Cavett's unique skill of heckling latecomers, riffing on the news or sparing verbally with audience members.

"It goes all over the place in terms of what we call taste," he says, diplomatically. "Sometimes, it's completely off the wall."

His replacements insist that they're eager for the challenge.

"Listen, if they can dish it out, I can take it," said Leach, the gourmet and celebrity profiler, before ending his run Nov. 11.

"I'm not accustomed to being loved," sniffs Adams, the columnist. "So I guess I might actually be comfortable in the role."

"People throwing things?" asks Raphael, the daytime talk show host. "That's part of my daily existence. I'm afraid that this is not a stretch."

And anyway, "If Cindy Adams can be funny, I can be funny," she says.

Even Teller, the normally mute magician, isn't scared. "It sounds significantly less terrifying than many of the things I've done in my life," he says. "Keep in mind that you're talking to a person who routinely has put a cage of rats on his head to do a card trick."

Cavett's war stories

Cavett, though, can tell war stories: There was the time a woman yelled incoherently throughout a performance until she turned to her boyfriend and vomited all over him. "I think you've delighted us long enough," Cavett told her.

There was the time a "big slack-jawed galoot" screamed out something criminally unfunny to stunned silence. "We're going to have to get an IQ minimum in here," Cavett replied.

Or the time a 6-foot, 4-inch shirtless transvestite stumbled up to him in the middle of the show. A rattled Cavett says he felt like he was standing beside a New York Knick. The theater went quiet.

"I told you never to come around when I'm working," Cavett told him sweetly.

He wishes his temporary replacements lots of luck, but admits it's awfully hard to prepare. The role requires a thick skin and the ability to think on your feet. And sometimes just a stream of expletives will do.

"It is so unpredictable and spontaneous and mysterious to me," he says.

No wonder Jerry Springer was asked. After all, he's used to handling bad behavior as the ringmaster of such programs like "I'm Pregnant by Your Man," "Three Pigs in a Trailer" and "Naughty and Naked."

"I feel like I'm doing my own show," he says. "I mean, 'Rocky Horror' is basically my show put to music. They throw rice, we throw food."

Some adding twist

Heckling isn't anything new to comedian Gilbert Gottfried, either.

"It's Broadway, but it's kind of like a bad comedy club in Queens," he says. "Heckling is something you don't have to think about during 'Death of a Salesman."'

The magician duo of Penn & Teller even plan to add fuel to the fire -- literally. Teller is learning to eat fire and Penn is trying on a pair of fishnets and high heels.

"You can certainly not say that we're not getting into the spirit of things," says Penn. "Those who think that Penn and Teller are merely junior Siegfried and Roys will have absolute evidence."

Adams admits to being a little nervous. "I'm going to try to get in the mode and be smart-mouthed. One thing I am is smart-mouthed. I don't have a body as good as Dick Cavett. And I tell you, his face is better looking than mine. But other than that, I'm going to try."

The baby of the bunch is Dave Holmes, 30, the versatile MTV veejay who, as a host, has had his share of impromptu performances on the network. He'll draw on his improv comedy background and skills handling screaming teen-agers.