Brad Hollerbach is the Director of Information Technology for the Southeast Missourian. His opinions are his own and do not reflect those of the newspaper or its editorial board. He writes this blog primarily for his own amusement and to parody the absurdities of the world we live in. He lives with his wife and two cats that don't really care for one another in Cape.

'Doing a Sally'

Posted Thursday, September 2, 2010, at 12:00 AM

I was in line at the local Qdoba Mexican Restaurant the other evening and a lady in front of me was "doing a Sally."

I hate it when people "do a Sally."

Now, your name doesn't have to be Sally to "do a Sally." It could be anything. Jane or Lisa or Megan or even Steve or Ian or for that matter, Brad. Either gender can be caught "doing a Sally."

So what exactly is "doing a Sally?" It's what I call it when a person -- typically at a restaurant -- starts impersonating Meg Ryan's character from the movie "When Harry Met Sally" and places their order with very precise instructions. This doesn't usually bother other customers when it is a sit-down restaurant, but when it is a fast-food establishment -- like Qdoba -- it can be frustrating to the people behind them in line.

"I want sour cream on the burrito, but it needs to be on the side. No guacamole on the quesadilla, but can I substitute some of those yummy grilled vegetables? And I need some chips and dip, but can I get half the chips with extra salt and the other half with no salt at all?

When people in front of me in line at a restaurant reveal this type of fussy food ordering nature, I just want to swat them on the back of the head like the Gibbs character frequently does to his underlings on the N.C.I.S. program. Their special orders tend to bog down the queue.

Of course, I never do swat them. That would be assault and possible battery. I'm not sure what constitutes "battery." Perhaps that requires assaulting the person "doing the Sally" with a handy Die-Hard 12 volt.

Anyhow, I don't particularly want to go to jail because I wacked an annoying pain in the butt in the back of the head for micro-managing their food order. Yes, there is no question that they are highly annoying to both the people behind them in line and the workers behind the counter.

But in jail there is always the possibility of you "being a Sally."

Now, that is a completely different pain in the butt.

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Don't worry Brad, I'm sure the cooks in the back serve up an extra side of saliva for those extra needy customers. Where it's particularly frustrating is in the drive-thru, which is supposed to be quick but then you get the person pulling the Sally and taking 5 minutes to order.

-- Posted by almighty on Thu, Sep 2, 2010, at 7:25 AM
Speaking of dining experiences... I had been in a San Jose, CA, training class for two weeks. On the day I was supposed to leave to go home to FL, I saw that a weak hurricane was headed to West Palm Beach, so I tried to get on an early flight back. By the time I got to Houston, all flights were canceled, so I had to stay there overnight.

Here's a message I sent to friends, family and the hotel chain after I got home:

Oakley's Restaurant at 15747 John F. Kennedy Blvd., Houston, TX 77032, was almost empty when I arrived, but it took several minutes for the greeter to see and seat me. I decided on the Bayou Catfish order with garlic mashed potatoes, cole slaw and iced tea. The waitress brought a basket of bread. I didn't have high hopes for hotel food, but this was really good.

The main course took a while to get there (good cooking takes time, you know, so I wasn't concerned), but, when it arrived, it looked great. I'm a little weak on cooking terms, but the fish was covered with some kind of browned corn-meal-looking stuff. The waiter asked if I'd like some lemon with it. I said that would be wonderful.

He disappeared and I took my fork to cut into the fish. It didn't cut cleanly. In fact, it didn't cut at all. I touched the white, translucent flesh. It was freezer-cold.

When the waiter came back, I said, "This fish ain't even close to being cooked. It had a higher temperature when it was swimming in the bayou." He took the plate and walked toward the kitchen hollering for the cook.

The waitress came back and promised that the fish would be replaced. "It's on the house," she said. I told her that was more than I expected, but, "Thanks."

When the plate came back a few minutes later, the fish was some of the best I've ever eaten. It was cooked perfectly. I took my first forkful of garlic mashed potatoes and found that they were excellent, also.

Then my eye went to something in the middle of the potatoes. Something dark and unpotato-like. I tentatively stretched one tine of my fork to the corner of it and pulled. A long, black hair pulled out of the center of the potatoes. When I released it, it curled back like a spring. I continued to eat the fish.

When the waitress came by to see how I was doing, I told her that the catfish was excellent and the first bite of potatoes was very good. Then I pointed out the long, black hair coiled up in the middle of the potatoes. "Mam," I said, "you've already comped out the meal. I assure you that I wouldn't have wasted a hair that good on a meal that was already free. It came that way."

"Would you like fries with that?" she asked, clearly mortified.

"No, I don't think I can handle any more surprises," I answered.

"Would you at least like for me to remove the potatoes from your plate?"

"No, I feel more comfortable if the plate never leaves my sight. I'll just eat the fish."

A few minutes later, she came by and asked if I wanted to take a chance on the desert cart. "I'll understand if you don't," she said.

"Sure," I said. "I'll just eat with my eyes closed." For the record, the chocolate pie was great.

-- Posted by ksteinhoff on Thu, Sep 2, 2010, at 8:26 AM
Sally and Doofus are closely related, Just_Me. A Sally is always a Doofus, but a Doofus is not always a Sally.

Thanks for reading.

-- Posted by Brad_Hollerbach on Thu, Sep 2, 2010, at 8:33 AM
Bradm you coould assault they verally. It woould be a "salty bantery."

-- Posted by voyager on Thu, Sep 2, 2010, at 11:53 AM

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