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A Few Clouds ~ River stage: 22.19 ft. Rising Sunday, May 20, 2012 |
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Doctor, May I Have Some Tide?
Posted Tuesday, April 10, at 12:05 AM I was feeling guilty the other day. I was suffering from either allergies or a cold and was desperate for some relief. After ransacking the bathroom medicine drawer at my house, I came across a box of expired sinus medication that contained pseudoephedrine. I immediately took one...
Nuclear Puffs? I'm not sure if we should blame al-Qaeda or the giant drug conglomerates that make up Big Pharma, but I know one thing is for certain: a conspiracy is afoot. I realized this after reading a news story regarding retailer Bed, Bath and Beyond over the weekend. The firm was recalling tissue holders they had sold which had been found to be radioactive...
Now Where Were We? Hi there. I'm back. For both of you who are wondering where my blog has been, I decided to take the summer off. Ever since I graduated from college, I've always wanted to "summer" somewhere, but unfortunately gainful employment, lack of independent wealth and having mortgages never made that feasible...
My Next TV I found my next TV this past weekend. Actually to call this find a mere TV is to do it an injustice. It would be like calling The Pope a Catholic. Of course he is that, but he is also The Number One Catholic On The Planet. And I'm convinced that this television has to be The Number One TV On The Planet and just possibly, the known Universe...
News Of The Not The CNN breaking news text alert that came across my phone yesterday was both literally and figuratively not news. The alert was that billionaire Donald Trump was not running for President. Really, CNN, that was news? Was The Donald ever serious about running? And did anyone actually think he even had a chance of winning if he did happen to throw his hat in the ring? I assumed from the start of the rumblings that Trump might run for President that it was just another narcissistic ploy to keep his name in the spot light.. ...
For Whom The Road Tolls, It Tolls For Thee, Armadillo! --- --- The Missouri Department of Transportation recently announced that its proposed construction budget for the next five years is going to be significantly leaner. Anorexic lean, one could say. The agency is projecting to spend half of what it currently does per year or just $600 million. Their plan is to slash offices, slash projects, slash surplus equipment and slash personnel...
Cairo Can Be Added To Corp Playbook in 2046 I was not surprised that the Corp of Engineers breached the Birds Point Levee with explosives in an attempt to lower historically high floodwaters threatening the nearby river town of Cairo, Illinois. After all, that gambit has been a part of the Corp's Official Mississippi / Ohio Rivers Flood Control Playbook since 1928. Granted this particular play is a tad bit dusty having been used only once prior to this week in 1937...
I had the extreme misfortune of not leaving working early last Friday. I never used to leave work early on Friday, but after the paper discontinued a Saturday edition in 2009, I found that I could occasionally start my weekend around four-thirty. But last week I didn't. It was a gray day and bad weather was headed towards Cape so I stayed put and continued working...
Fancy Some Cheese With That Cat Food? The other evening when my wife and I were at the grocery store buying our cat Patches her canned food, we noticed several new flavors of Fancy Feast. As a rule, we do not experiment with our cat regarding her wet food. We don't want to disrupt her digestion creating An Incident. Consequently, the dozens of flavors that are available from this brand on the grocery store shelves tend to just complicate us finding the four that we do regularly buy...
Sometimes when I see a breaking news story on this website, I will form an opinion even though the story is preliminary and I know all the facts have not yet been revealed. For instance, it was reported yesterday on Semissourian.com that one of the robotic garbage trucks used by the City of Cape Girardeau Public Works department "grabbed hold" of a citizen and "pushed him several feet."...
No Smoking? How About Adults Only. The smoking ban passed in the city of Cape Girardeau yesterday. This was not surprising. I figured that a majority would vote in favor of it purely because they neither smoke nor like smoking. Heck, I don't like smoking either, but I guess I view this matter differently than some people. I personally believe the ordinance is too restrictive and the process was an excellent example of out-of-town money buying a local election...
How To Beat The Upcoming Smoking Ban Our country's Constitution has been brought up numerous times during the often-heated discussions over the City of Cape Girardeau's upcoming vote to ban smoking in public places. One person who commented on this website even said, "There is no right to smoke guaranteed in our U.S. Constitution."...
Proposed Ban A Matter Of Choice, Period. The advertising flyer arrived in my mailbox last week. I knew right away that it was very important from the headline on the document. "Secondhand smoke is dangerous for everyone, period." is what the headline said. You ALWAYS know a sentence is especially important when it has both a period AND spells out "period." Considering that the headline was alerting me to an apparently life-or-death situation I think "Secondhand smoke is dangerous for everyone, exclamation point!" would have been more appropriate.. ...
Maybe Buick Drivers Aren't To Blame I was waiting at a stoplight the other day with a white Buick in front of me when the signal turned green. It was a full five or maybe even ten seconds before the driver of the Buick actually moved. Two vehicles in the other lane had already gone through the light before the person driving that car even budged. I was not surprised...
The Call of the Mulch It's cold and wet as I watch Patches The Cat amble to the nook between the branches of a leafless hydrangea and a short wooden wall that keeps an aggressive English ivy bed contained to its designated home. This is where she likes to stakeout the front bird feeder lying on a bed of decaying elm leaves...
Broadening Broadway It was reported last week that the City of Cape Girardeau is planning to spend $2.85 million in Transportation Trust Fund IV sales tax money to widen Broadway from Pacific to Water Street. I had an immediate one-word reaction to that news: How? Has anyone from the city driven Broadway in, say, the last 50 years? There are buildings on both sides as well as parking for most of those eight blocks. ...
Curse of the Closet Ballet Dancer I must be a closet ballet dancer. Unfortunately I don't remember doing any kind of dancing, so maybe I'm actually an amnesiatic closet ballerina. This issue seems to occur in the morning, after I've had a cup of coffee and then taken a shower, but the stimulating effects of either have apparently not yet kicked in. After I shower, like most people I then dry my hair. It's at that point that I believe my inner ballerina likes to break out of its closet...
Anti-Tenure Bill Doesn't Go Far Enough I applaud the efforts of Missouri State House Elementary and Secondary Education Committee Chairman Scott Dieckhaus to gut tenure for the state's 522 school districts and the obviously complacent 70,000+ teachers in their employ. If bill HB628 becomes law, the benefit of tenure will be no more. Mr Dieckhaus apparently believes that tenure makes teachers lazy and that his proposed bill will force them to compete both for salary and multi-year contracts. It sounds a little like a TV game show...
The sign had a typo. I spot other people's typos quickly -- my own not so much -- and this was definitely a typo. I had stopped by an auction last week at the Salvation Army gymnasium on the corner of Sprigg and Good Hope, but couldn't find any convenient parking place near the building...
Gambling on Electric Dinosaurs We use a very robust SPAM filtering service for our email at work. It blocks or quarantines thousands of solicitations a day saving employees the hassle of trying to decide if they need a "male-enhancement drug" from Supplier A or Supplier B. Granted, no SPAM filtering system or service is perfect and even the occasional Viagra-type sales pitch will slip through if it conforms to standard email configurations...
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The Irony Of It All  - Blog RSS feed ![[Feed icon]](http://www.semissourian.com/images/icons/feed-icon-14x14.png){kind=icon} - Comments RSS feed - Send email to Brad Hollerbach - Login Brad Hollerbach is the Director of Information Technology for the Southeast Missourian. His opinions are his own and do not reflect those of the newspaper or its editorial board.
He writes this blog primarily for his own amusement and to parody the absurdities of the world we live in. He lives with his wife and cat in Cape.
To receive email notifications that Brad has a new blog available, click here. Hot topics Doctor, May I Have Some Tide?(  0 ~ 10:14 PM, Apr 9)
What Would Jesus Drive?
Nuclear Puffs?
Now Where Were We?
My Next TV
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