Parenting the Strong Willed Child

It seems like some children are just born strong willed. From the moment they are born, some children are just harder to manage than others. The strong willed child is a challenge to his or her parents, but it doesn't have to always be a power struggle. Here are some parenting tips for parents with a strong willed child.

A strong willed child loves being in control. So give your strong willed child something to control. If getting dressed in the morning is a power struggle, then let your child pick out his own clothes. Who cares if they don't match? The school isn't going to send your child home for uncoordinated clothing. If eating vegetables is a constant struggle, let your child pick out the vegetables for dinner.

The key to giving your strong willed child choices and therefore ending many power struggles is to limit what your child is choosing from. Select two things that you would be agreeable to and let your child pick between the two. For example, "Cory, should the family eat peas or green beans with dinner tonight?" Chances are if your child has made the choice for himself, he's more likely to eat the vegetables, and you've won because he's eating vegetables. Who cares if they are peas or green beans? The point is your strong willed child is actually eating the VEGETABLES! He thinks he's in charge, but you know that secretly you are!

Another parenting tip for parents with a strong willed child is to know what battles are worth fighting. Some things just aren't worth the fight. Say you have a strong willed child who refuses to brush her hair. Every day you have a power struggle over brushing her hair. (I've known of parents who actually held their daughters down while the other parent brushes it out! Don't do this!) End the power struggle today! Tell your daughter (if she's old enough) that brushing her hair is now her responsibility. You can even make this a big deal--take her shopping and let her pick out a new hair brush. Then drop the power struggle. Don't nag your strong willed child to brush her hair. Don't remind her. Don't even talk about it at all. She probably won't brush her hair for a few days. Remember, a strong willed child wants to feel in control. But if you stick firm to ignoring the behavior, consistently, all of the time, then chances are eventually she'll begin brushing her hair on her own. Again, she may think she's won the battle, but you know that you have. The strong willed child doesn't have to be in charge (in fact they shouldn't be), but it hurts no one if they think they have won the battle!