The choice

This week women everywhere will answer the front door and smile as roses or a pre-spring bouquet are handed to them. Or women and men will smile happily when they open a Valentine's Day card that says "I love you" in one of the uncountable ways.

What a wonderful gift, to make someone you love feel good. They feel good and you feel good.

You don't need the excuse of Valentine's Day, of course. You don't even have to be in love with someone.

You can feel good all by yourself. All of us carry a list of feel-good things in our heads and hearts. Talking with a friend over coffee? Reading a book that changes your life? Cooking a favorite meal? Spending time alone? Petting your dog or cat? Doing things on our list is being good to ourselves. We should be good to ourselves all the time.

Let's make a list of 10 things you love about something. Say Valentine's Day. Here's a possible list: The fact that a day is devoted to love; the unconditionally loving Valentine's Day cards you gave to your classmates in elementary school; chocolate; unabashed sentimentality; saying "I love you" right out loud; hearing "I love you" right out loud; sending valentines to friends; receiving valentines from friends; candlelight; being reminded that every day should be devoted to love.

This kind of appreciation can be applied to almost anything that makes us feel good.

In his hit song "I Feel Good," r&b singer James Brown proclaimed that he not only feels good but expects to feel good. That's part of the equation. If you want to feel good, expecting to feel good makes it much easier. Of course, if you want to feel bad, there are plenty of songs you can listen to, plenty of movies you can watch, plenty of thoughts you can entertain.

Switching from feeling good to feeling bad is easy. All you have to do is watch the news, read the newspaper, talk to somebody who already feels bad. That can get the bad ball rolling. But the ball rolls in the other direction, too, if feeling good is the goal.

Buddhism's Four Noble Truths say suffering exists, has a cause, has an end -- enlightenment -- and has a cause of the end. We know what suffering is. Its cause is the gap between what is and what can be. The end of suffering is brought about by the disappearance of the gap. What is and what can be become one.

How do we make the gap disappear? We don't. We allow the gap to disappear. We allow ourselves to be our better selves. We allow ourselves to be happy.

Our lives give us endless opportunities to learn what makes us unhappy. Wrong for us helps us identify what's right for us. Wrong for us is not necessarily wrong for someone else. We live in a world of choices. Would you have it any other way?

One choice is whether to feel good or not. To be good to yourself or not. The choice is always yours.