Senior Moments: Birthday Blues

Gone are my dancing queen days, and now I’m shakily standing on the shores of adulthood. The boat ride here was long, and for the last few miles, I just wanted to arrive, but now that I’m here, I think I want to turn around and go back. This world is vast and open-ended, and it awakens a quiet fear alongside the excitement in my heart.

I’m rather terrified of adulthood, I think. Many of you readers have been adults for quite some time, so you’ve mastered the craft. However, I’ve got roughly zero experience in functioning in the real world. I’ve only done taxes a handful of times, and each time someone helped me through the process. I’ve only ever driven an automatic transmission car; I can’t even change gears while I’m driving. I’ve never attended a dinner party, and I’ve certainly never been to a committee meeting. The art of cooking is foreign to me, and juggling two bank accounts — a checking and a savings — is something I haven’t yet tried. I can’t change the oil in my car or curl my own hair. I’ve never haggled the price lower while buying anything, and I have no idea what the proper price for an armoire is.

So I don’t feel like an adult. I haven’t done all of the things I thought I needed to qualify for adulthood, like a checklist before I’m let in the door. But it doesn’t matter, because time marches on, whether or not I’ve changed a tire before. The universe doesn’t care if I’m ready; I’m 18. I’m a (young) adult, and I will be for the rest of my life.

I’m not just scared; I’m also excited. I’ll have control over my own life in a way I never have before. I can be as irresponsible or as responsible as I want. I can blow all my money on Russian nesting dolls. I can eat plain white rice for dinner every night. I can get a tattoo or dye my hair, and I can change anything about my life at any given time. Granted, I would have to deal with the consequences, such as no money and too many Russian nesting dolls. But the choice is mine to make, and that’s a freedom I haven’t had before.

I think of all the things I could change or stop doing, I’ll never stop writing. It has been the one constant in my life, and without my writing, I have very little. I can write if I want to think about my feelings, or I can write to escape when I’d rather not think. And now, I have the freedom to write as much as I’d like. So with my freedoms, responsibilities, consequences and adulthood, I’ll step foot into the world of adults and try my best.

It’s all any of us can do, really.

Greta Ripperda recently graduated from Notre Dame Regional High School in Cape Girardeau. She is the firstborn of four and enjoys reading, hiking, spending time with family and making music.