Love beyond the heart

“As he leaned in, her heart skipped one beat, then another, and as his lips settled against hers, all the trepidation of all the years passed, drifted away. He had forgotten, he realized, what it meant to love beyond the heart.”

Do you ever feel like we have overused the word “love?” Do you still get butterflies when you hear it spoken to you? Sometimes saying “I love you” becomes so automatic that it’s no longer cherished. Other times, it’s even more cherished because it’s rarely heard. But what does love really mean? I’m not looking for the ideological or Webster’s version. I am asking you to examine what love means to you.

Right now in our house we have three teenage daughters and two teenage sons. The word “love” has many connotations. I’ve heard the word spoken from dreamy-eyed 12-year-olds, know-it-all 18-year-olds and in crudely whispered jokes that Mom wasn’t supposed to overhear. The girls look at love in what I consider the most pure sense of the word — the “happily ever after” kind. I have no idea how the boys look at it, and my husband tells me I don’t want to know.

But what I do see profoundly in our society is that like the opening quote, most people have forgotten what it means to love beyond the heart, with everything you are, forsaking all else, because in places you can’t identify, you can’t explain, it’s just right.

I haven’t given the word “love” much thought since I was 13, but in a house full of hormones, I find myself suddenly very interested in love and all its meanings. And guess what? It doesn’t mean what it used to. Instant communication, social media, email, yoga pants, Calvin Klein and emojis have made the concept of love a shallow, neon afternoon playdate rather than a serious, noble and working pursuit. Guess what, guys? Victoria doesn’t have any more secrets! Girls are texting guys at all hours of the night, guys don’t want to work for girls who play hard to get and, sadly, it’s all about the cellphone. At least there are no more love letters to hide (unfortunately).

I think my generation will be one of the last to see true love commonplace in our world. My great-grandparents had it. It was palpable whenever we were around them. There was consideration, respect, gentleness and kindness without expectation. There was that something in their eyes, in the touch of his hand on her back, and millions of unspoken words, truly love beyond the heart. How did we go from that to soap operas?

Share your love stories with your family. How did you meet? Did you play hard to get? Is there someone out there you let go and always wished you hadn’t? How long did you wait until you “went all the way?” Children need to know that love is so much more than the sex and live-in’s. It’s waiting through wars, it’s heartache and fear, it’s burned suppers and Sunday picnics. And it’s fulfilling in ways that nothing else can ever be.

Feel free to share your stories with me, too! Email me at wborenrn@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.