Grandparenting: Stories from local grandparents

Grandpa, grandma, papa, nana, grampa and gigi: There is an abundance of names associated with the cherished role of grandparent, just as there is an abundance of ways to fulfill this role. No single guidebook exists on how to navigate each particular, unique grandparent/grandchild relationship. As with parenting and life, grandparenting is a continual learning process founded in love and care.

Here, local grandparents share their joys, challenges and what the role of “grandparent” means to them.

__In-town grandchildren__

Carole Baugh of Jackson has four young grandchildren, all boys ranging in age from two to eight. When the grandboys visit her, she says they do “a little work and a whole lot of playing.” The work can include everything from picking berries in the backyard garden to collecting trash in the front yard or trimming the lawn with hand-trimmers.

“They really are helpers when they come over, especially the older ones,” Baugh says. “Then, the younger ones see them doing that, and they want to help, too.”

As a retired elementary teacher, Baugh incorporates her skills into grandparenting by constantly finding ways to educate her grandboys through visiting the nature and history centers, working in the garden or playing music.

One of the boys’ favorite activities is listening to Baugh play ukulele and sing songs such as “She’ll Be Coming ‘Round the Mountain.” Instead of sitting down to listen, the boys join in by banging on tambourines or strumming ukuleles upside-down while running in dizzying circles around her living room.

“I think you seem a little more relaxed [as a grandparent] because you’ve been down that road before,” Baugh says. “Also, it is a little different because they’re your grandkids, so you want to spoil them a little more than you would’ve done as a parent.”

Baugh says having grandchildren in town is “the best,” because they will stop by to visit often.

“I enjoy the boys a lot. We have a lot of fun, and if I got one, I try to include them all,” Baugh says.

__Long-distance grandchildren__

Wayne and Paula Givens of Jackson have six young grandchildren, ranging in age from 5 months to 8 years old, with another on the way in February. None of their grandchildren live in the area, but they still find ways to see them often.

Paula says she sees her grandchildren every week and will babysit for weeks at a time if they’re sick or their daycare is closed. She says she always has her suitcase ready and is out of town often. Wayne jokes Paula will “drop everything like a hot potato for the grandkids.”

Most of the Givens’ grandchildren live in Columbia, Mo., and St. Louis, but once the new grandbaby is born in Texas, Wayne says he plans to travel there more frequently.

As a retired pediatric physical therapist, Paula says she is “always doing therapy” while she’s playing with her grandchildren. She watches their development of sensory skills and core strength while correcting bad habits like W-sitting, which is harmful for their hips and knees.

Paula believes the main role of a grandparent is to make sure the grandchildren have fun while teaching them to be loving and kind.

“I worked all the time when my kids were little, so now, I make sure every second, we’re playing, acting silly or doing something fun. I feel like I’m getting to relive my kids, since I didn’t get to play with them as much as I would have liked,” Paula says.

For the Givens, being silly means not just watching the grandchildren, but getting on the floor and playing with them. Wayne says, “The kids probably think we’re crazy,” since the two join in on all the pillow fights, games and dancing. Paula says the biggest challenge of being a grandparent is “staying in shape for them,” which she remedies by attending weekly yoga and barre classes.

When the grandchildren are in town, Paula says she wants everything to be “fun and magical,” which is why she plans activities she knows she would have loved as a child.

“She’s like a grandma on steroids,” Wayne jokes. “I’m the photographer, the chauffeur. She dreams up all these things to do, and I’m the one that gets them there.”

__Adult grandchildren__

Terry and Jane Wright of Cape Girardeau have one grandson, 26-year-old Josh Moore who got married in October of 2020. After his wedding, Moore moved to Paducah, Ky., which was a difficult transition for the Wrights.

“That rocked our whole world, because we had been so close,” Jane says.

Growing up, Moore lived with the Wrights off and on, so he could attend school in the Cape Girardeau school district. Terry says they’ve always had a great relationship, and when Moore turned 12, they took him on a long road trip out West, ending in San Diego. During the trip, Jane made Moore journal each night, and she says, “He was a man of few words,” writing only simple sentences about where they went that day.

Now that Moore is grown up, Jane says they tease him about “being an adult and adulting.” Even as an adult, the Wrights find ways to have fun with their grandson. Terry says both he and Moore enjoy going to movies together and still schedule times to see movies when Moore visits.

In spite of their grandson growing up in their household, the Wrights still believe there is a significant difference between parenting

and grandparenting.

“It’s different. Your whole mindset is different. [When you’re a parent,] you’re learning, and you’re growing up yourself. Now, we feel like we’ve matured. We haven’t got a lot smarter, but maybe we got a little smarter,” Terry says.

To this day, Terry’s and Jane’s grandson still refers to them as “Papa and Nana.”

For Baugh, the Givens and the Wrights, grandparenting looks quite different, but the love for their grandchildren and their desire to implement fun in the relationship remains the same. As Wayne says, “It’s like the parents are the adults, and [the grandparents] are the fun ones.”