Letting Go of the Need to Be Perfect

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I am lucky enough to receive daily meditations from Richard Rohr in my e-mail. Today's was about union being better than perfection, and it was adapted from "Following the Mystics Through the Narrow Gate. . . Seeing God in All Things." Here is a quote from that meditation (Meditation 17 of 52 from Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation: Union not Perfection):

"Perfection gives the impression that by effort or more knowing I can achieve wholeness separate from God, from anyone else, or from connection to the Whole. It appeals to our individualism and our ego. It's amazing how much of Christian history sent us on a self-defeating course toward private perfection."

The concept of perfection has caused me many hours of grief filled with feelings of being "not good enough." I was started on this pathway by my mother who expected nothing less than perfection and would always find something wrong with whatever I was trying to do. At least, that is what it felt like. There is a magnet on my refrigerator that reads, "I came, I saw, I criticized." I learned that lesson from my mother, and, unfortunately, I still find myself being unduly critical of myself and others. I think that is why I love this quote from Rohr's meditation that gives me permission not to seek perfection. This quote is saying, to me, that my drive to be perfect is fueled by my need to be different and better than others. It is saying I seek perfection to let others know what a hard worker I am as well as how superior I am because of how much I know.

I worked throughout my career to get one degree every ten years; I ended up with three of them. I must really need to think people admire "how much I know." There are times when I think all those years were spent trying to please my mother. She did come all the way to Austin, TX, from Arkansas to see me get my PhD, but I don't ever think she told me she was proud of me. It was my father who framed and mounted the cover of the one book I had published back in 1990; that one action told me he was proud of me. I feel fairly ludicrous realizing at this late date how many decades of my adult years were spent seeking parental approval. I sought the approval of others so that my parents would approve of me and so I would approve of myself. I spent the first two-thirds of my life "barking up the wrong tree."

Now, I am beginning to realize perfection is just another "addicting myth" that kept me from living in the now and feeling connected with God and all of creation. Rohr's meditation described mystics as feeling connected with everything. The meditation's implication was when one is connected with everyone and identifies with everyone, there is no need to be perfect and/or different. In twelve step programs, we would say we no longer need to be "terminally unique."

I realize I may seem to be getting close to advocating for a "Borg type" of mentality (as in Star Trek). However, I think Christ often implied that we need to identify with one another and not compete to be the best, first, or most holy. The trinity represents union, and the Eucharist provides Christians a mystical experience of uniting as one with the body of Christ. I am in good company when I stop trying to be perfect and decide, instead, to be one with Christ, God, the Holy Spirit, and all of creation. I am in "mystic kindergarten" so I don't often achieve this goal of cosmic union------good thing I don't have to be perfect about it!

Please comment and share your thoughts about today's discussion. May God bless and keep you.