Searching for Peace

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"Being wholly in tune with the present moment is how we'll come to know the spiritual essence that connects all of life. We search for peace, happiness, and contentment outside of ourselves. We need instead to discover it within us, now and always, in whatever we are experiencing."

(Casey, K, 1991. Each Day A New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women, 2nd ed., Page for April 25, Center City, Minnesota: Hazelden)

I'm sure I read this some time back in the early 1990s and thought, "Oh, sure, we were all saying 'Be here now' back in the '70s." And, to be honest, I probably thought, "Yeah, it was a lot easier then with a little help from our friends (chemical, that is)." I am very grateful I can finally read it today and begin to appreciate the wisdom embedded in it. Centering prayer, also known as contemplative prayer, is teaching me the art of being still and discovering God within me. I remember last December when I was hospitalized at Barnes-Jewish I had to have a MRI. Had I not been able to escape deep within myself and spend those moments with God in centering prayer while I was immersed in that loud, claustrophobic machine, my old PTSD related anxieties would have been almost overwhelming. I realized then that I never have to feel trapped and overwhelmed again because God is always with me----I just need to take a deep, spirit filled breath and realize it.

I have been searching for peace, happiness, and contentment outside of myself for almost my entire life. In the past, I tried finding it with drugs and alcohol, by depending on other people, and by eating comfort foods. My more "outside myself searches" seem to be taking the form of escaping into the mindlessness of TV, computer games, books, buying things,......the list goes on and on. Often, when I am aware of being happy, content, and serene I realize my immediate reaction often is feeling bored -----I almost catch myself wondering where's the chaos I am used to? Fortunately, I am learning to ignore the "boredom" messages and go deeper into myself and my relationship with God. I am learning that happiness in the moment is here and now in my messy cluttered living room in Cape Girardeau of all places rather than in the high desert at the foot of the Rockies in Colorado which is where I always felt connected with God and planned to end up.

In writing that, I realized I have sometimes relied on my surrounding environment to "feel spiritual"----is this just another "outside myself" fix.? I don't think so; I believe appreciating the beauty of God's creation in the present moment or some being deeply absorbed in some creative behavior (like crocheting for me and gardening for many of my friends) lulls my restless mind into closer contact with God. I am slowly realizing that although some things are helpful for "connecting with God" I don't have to have any outside prompts to just relax and be in relationship with God. Being at peace is not being bored; it is being in the moment hand in hand with the God of my choosing.

What brings you peace, happiness, and contentment? How do you discover those things within yourself? Please comment and share your thoughts. Thanks. God bless and keep you.