Land Lord or Real Estate Agent?

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The girl in today's photo looks very upset; chances are she is really angry about something and perhaps resenting something. Last night we were talking about resentments at a meeting, and it reminded me of the old saying, "don't let them live rent free in your head." The discussion was about resentments and how you "let go of them". Of course, we all agreed that first you have to acknowledge and face them....as well as analyze your own contribution to whatever situation you are holding a resentment about. But we were left with the question, "Well, okay, but what next? What do you do with resentments once you own them and face them?"

Acknowledged and analyzed resentments can still "destroy your inner peace"---- lead to unnecessary stress and, in some cases, to relapse. So how do we get rid of the pesky things after we know we have them? Resentments are kind of like chiggers......they just fester and spread if you scratch them, and they will only itch worse after you scratch them! Obsessing about resentments is like scratching----the resentments just get worse when you keep feeding them emotional turmoil.

So, here are a couple of answers to this problem that were offered in last night's discussion:

* Write each resentment down on a small piece of paper, pray over it, fold it up, and put it in a sealed "God Box." This way, you are literally turning your resentment over to the God of your understanding rather than obsessing about it and trying to fix it yourself. If you can actually turn it over to God, you will be a lot more serene.

* Pray to God for the person you resent, pray for them to have what you want for yourself----serenity. After about 3 weeks of doing this on a daily basis, the resentment usually starts to fade away.

That last suggestion is actually supported by a story in AA's Big Book (Anonymous,, 2001, Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 553) which paraphrases information from a clergy man's article about handling resentments:

"If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you fused to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred you now feel compassionate understanding and love."

Actually, I have personally tried both ways of handling resentments. For the most part, what works best for me to put in my "God Box" are persons, places, or things that are bothering me that I cannot change---things only God can actually handle. My God Box is not always filled with only resentment. There's usually some fear, anxiety, and, yes, shame and guilt there at times. I have found through the years that my "God Box" only works if I leave what I put in it there and don't take it back out and try to fix it myself.

What has worked for me best is the method described in the above long quote which those in AA call the "Resentment Prayer." Only sometimes I have to do it much longer than two weeks. It is the only thing that got me through the pain of a divorce without drinking. I can't say that I love my ex-husband or the woman he left the state with, but I did find myself eventually actually wanting them to have peace of mind and growing spirituality. I think the magic of why this prayer works, at least for me, is that it forces you to figure out what you want for yourself------and in asking that it be given to others you miraculously find that those very things have been given to you.

So, enough about me and what I've used through the years to handle resentments that crop up in my life. When it comes to handling resentments in your life, are you a landlord or a real estate agent? Meaning, do you let resentments live rent free in your head or do you help them move out and let God find them a "place to stay" so you can have peace of mind? Seriously, how do you handle resentment so that it doesn't "handle" you? Please comment. May God bless and keep you.