Changing Rooms on the Titanic

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A favorite recovery site (https://www.facebook.com/Recoveryandhopeindia) asked its followers to describe what being sober while still drinking was like, and someone commented "it is like changing rooms on the Titanic." What an accurate description!

I have tried to change rooms countless times when I knew I needed to change something but wanted to try the easier softer way mentioned in AA's Big Book. Here's a partial list of some of the "room changes" or "poor occupant choices" I have made in my lifetime that come to mind:

* Drinking Diet Coke while eating chocolate cake to "have my cake and eat it too" without gaining weight

* Wearing a loose, baggy clothing so I can tell myself my clothes feel like I am losing weight

* Learning to drink Scotch because it had less calories

* Only drinking at home so I wouldn't try to out drink my companions

* Drinking only beer (I thought it had a lower alcohol content)

* Taking only prescription amphetamines

* Keeping one room in my house "presentable" so visitors won't think I'm a "poor housekeeper"

* Eating all of something so there won't be leftovers to clutter up my refrigerator

* Having my stomach stapled in 1975----it was not an easier, softer way!

* Eating and drinking alone so others don't think I have a problem, and, of course, they'd be right!

My mind can often "fool me" into thinking I am doing something about a problem when I am actually making it worse by hiding from it. For instance, I have bought storage bins for my growing expanse of yarn so I can organize it-----but I am still developing a serious "yarn hoarding" habit.

Carrying this line of thought a bit further, I realize I often take "spiritual shortcuts" to fool myself into thinking I am making progress on my spiritual journey. If I read a prayer repeatedly without thinking about the meaning of the words, I doubt that I am making spiritual progress unless the words themselves become a mantra that leads me to a meditative state where I can encounter spiritual truth. I read the Book of Common Prayer (1977) often, and I must admit there are times when I automatically read prayers without thinking about the meaning or searching for a meditative state. Does quickly and automatically reading through "An Order for Compline" (pp.127-135) when I go to bed bring me any closer to God or does it just relax me and put me to sleep more quickly? Part of the time, for me, I know the answer has to be it relaxes me and helps me sleep because for a moment it has brought me closer to God and I know He will be with me through the night.

For some people going to church can give the appearance of spirituality----but that same person may not behave spiritually at other times. I consider myself a spiritual person but I still find myself not giving money to those who ask for it on street corners or in front of my church. I agree to give rides to the homeless and then don't because advice from church elders suggests I should not give a ride to a man or to children without others being in the car to provide proper supervision.

Obviously, the question for me this morning has become one of how I can I describe myself as spiritual when my behavior indicates otherwise? I've just been in a rather long conversation on Facebook with a friend discussing the concept of reality and how our thoughts are actually the basis of our reality. This is because without having an initial thought one cannot move towards creating a desired reality. Perhaps therein lies the answer, at least for this morning. Spirituality is a work in progress....not a perfect end product. Having a spiritual thought helps me take another step on the journey. I will need to change rooms a lot as I travel a spiritual pathway; hopefully, each time to one that allows additional spiritual growth and enlightenment. May God bless and keep you.