First Step

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This morning I had a call from a friend who is having trouble applying Alcoholics Anonymous' (AA) first step to a problem in her life. This step focuses on admitting powerlessness over an addiction/problem as well as acknowledging the fact that our lives are unmanageable. Most of us have to be really hurting before we are willing to admit these things about our addiction----be it to a drug, a process, or another person.

Admitting powerlessness is difficult, but until we do, our minds are not open to accepting the healing power of the other eleven of AA's 12 steps. Nothing convinces one of having a problem more effectively than trying over and over again to solve a problem on your own without success. That is why it is important to surrender and admit you cannot solve or fix the problem yourself.

AA's first step tells us that not only do we have to admit we have a problem we are powerless over but that we need to also acknowledge our lives are unmanageable. In essence, this step asks us to accept that not only are we defeated, we are also helpless. At least that is what it feels like at first. But it is in acknowledging this "lowest of low" points that a vacuum is created that allows real power and recovery to enter our lives. Simply put, no one accepts help unless they give up.

Covington suggests several techniques to help women take this step. One is to list all the ways the "addiction" influenced their behavior and lives during the past six months (p. 6). Another is to "compare and contrast" the things they can't control and have no power over with those they can control and have some power over (p. 7). In regards to unmanageability, Covington suggests listing things that indicate "unmanageability in your life" (p. 9).

Perhaps the most important thing Covington does is remind her readers that once they have admitted their powerlessness and the extent to which their lives have become unmanageable they are not "worthless," and she suggests women who have taken this step practice repeating the following positive affirmations (p. 11):

* "I deserve to be taken seriously."

* "I deserve to b accepted without judgment."

* "I deserve to ask for and receive help."

It hurt to hear the pain in my friend's voice as she acknowledged the many ways her life was unmanageable as well as her powerlessness over her predicament. I know my voice gave away how close I was to tears myself as I validated her powerlessness. I have been at that point....more than once in a variety of ways. I know how it hurts. I also know I had to feel that hurt before I was willing to do what it takes to enter and stay in recovery. I know the miracle of recovery and the joy and release following AA's 12 steps can bring. I pray my friend may know that joy too. God bless and keep you.