The Gift of Heart

A most cherished gift!

This past week has been a particularly difficult one for me because of the loss of one of my dogs. There has been a palpable pall lying over my home. This has been reflected in the behavior of my surviving pack and made me anything but pleasant to be around. Death is never easy and death, while expected, is not something we can truly prepare ourselves to face.

I am a war horse when it comes to the trials of protecting my right to responsibly keep the breed of my choice. I also deal with horror on a daily basis and this has led me to put a callous over my heart and appear to have an exterior as tough as old boot leather. It is a defense mechanism that allows me to stay on course in my personal crusade to educate and raise awareness of the plight of the American Pit Bull Terrier. There is a real danger in staying in defense mode at all times in that I do not allow myself to indulge in behavior in which my pain dictates my actions. I appear invincible at times but nothing could be farther from the truth. The truth is my soul bleeds like the weakest among us, it just does not show.

There is a real danger in keeping that much pain bottled up inside. As someone who has suffered with ulcers for years I can testify that it does indeed take a physical toll on the body. For the sake of the health of mind and body there are times when perceived weakness is the best remedy for what ails you.

The best gifts are the ones that come unexpectedly and whose very timing makes them the greatest gifts of all. I received such a gift on Friday morning when I was heading out to work. At the time I was not completely sure who had this much intuition but as it turns out my dear friend and sister, Tammy Nelson, knew exactly what I needed. I received the following letter and the gift of heart from someone also dealing with personal tragedy. I was given permission to grieve and in turn permission to get on with my life. This gift has also allowed the three remaining dogs in my pack to embrace life once again. Sometimes you do not know you are holding your breath until someone comes along and reminds you to breathe.

To Tammy, my undying gratitude for one of the finest gifts I have ever received....the permission to be human with all the weaknesses and flaws included. The following letter may seem trivial to some but it is responsible for the first step in my healing process. I share this for Karla who just lost her Junior and all those who have had a piece of their heart sent to the Bridge. My hope is you will gain the same degree of peace given to me.

Momma,

I'm leaving you this to guard your heart.

I never knew true love or happiness until you.

Thank you for giving me a chance. You made me feel like the luckiest dog in the world!

Thank you for your kindness, patience, giving me a warm place to sleep, food and most of all, my very own place to call home and family.

I know that I left you too soon but I'm watching over you. I will be waiting for you to join me.

I want you to be happy, as happy as you made me. You are the very best mother!!!

I want you to share the love that you have given me to another that needs it. That would be my way of paying it forward. I will always love you and remember you. I will be waiting to greet you.

Love, your princess,

Tori